Many parents feel entitled to being honored. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents take. up the attitude that they are deserving of respect. The fact of the matter is that parents are deserving of respect, but only the bare minimum.
It says in Exodus 20:12 KJV:
Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
This commandment refers to respect for parents, but with such respect being earned. There is a bare minimum for respecting parents. Don't gaslight them to send them places (see also Lev. 20:9), don't strike them (see also Exod. 21:15), or committing crimes in their name (see also Deut. 21:18-21). Apart from that, parents need to earn their respect from their children. This commandment only prohibits clear elder abuse, and otherwise, parents had to earn the respect of their children.
The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:
Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely in return.
The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor. towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing themselves one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" referring to damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and oppose any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were largely persecuted for being "too soft" on their children.
Respect for parents was a thing in biblical times, but it came in the form of deep closeness to parents, not fear of punishment from parents. For the first 6 years of a child's life, they were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of childhood, mothers constantly held children, either in their arms, or on their back in a papoose bag when mom's hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, never letting mom out of his/her sight, fearing morbidly that mom would "go away and never come back". Mothers, when out and about, swaddled their children next to their bosom in swaddling blankets. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this co-sleeping lasting until the child reached the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep.
Fathers had a secondary secure attachment to children. Fathers in biblical times kept their distance from their children, as their attachment to their children was a sexual attachment. Most fathers masturbated to sexual thoughts of their children, and that is how they coped. It is a myth that fathers sexually corrected their children in biblical times. Fathers instead masturbated to the sexual attachment that they had with their child. Usually, fathers were attracted to daughters, in a mutually unrequited way where daughters also wanted to look pretty for her father. The role of fathers in the Bible is to encourage discipline and religious instruction through praise and accolades.
Respect for parents is earned. By default, parents are deserving of absolutely nothing from their children. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. There is no free lunch in life, and that pertains to parenting as well. Respect for parents starts with respect for the child's needs.
The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!
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