Righteous ordering: Why children call the shots in the family home

Many parents think that they call the shots, and give orders to their children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents demand the "right" to control over their own children. However, the fact of the matter is that the Bible states, in context, that children call the shots in the family home.

Righteous ordering is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with children calling the shots from their place of rest, and parents dutifully and selflessly submitting to the orders of children. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely due to being "too soft" on children.

Righteous ordering refers to the proper ordering in the family home, which is where children call the shots. Children issued orders to parents, and parents obeyed the orders of their children. Parents were obligated by Law to submit to the orders of children, with few exceptions. The only way a parent could righteously disobey a child was when the orders were unlawful and/or unworkable. Otherwise, children ruled over their children, from above yet from beneath, just as they would to God. Parents, when saying "no", were obligated to reassure their children with warmth and sustenance.

When children felt that the word "no" was unfair or stated in a brusque way, they had the right to appeal their parents' decision to the council. If the parents were found guilty of provoking their child to anger through misusing the word "no", they were immediately and swiftly excommunicated from the Early Christian Churches of God. Parents could not take their children to court, and if they did, the court immediately and swiftly punished the parents instead, and took the side of the child every time. When they had to take the side of the parents, in cases where the child brought the charges, the court simply reassured the child, without punishing the child for anything.

When young children - under age 6 - cried, it was seen as a lawfully binding summonses. A mother, therefore, always responded to the summonses from their children. Usually, the child needed closeness of some sort, due to separation anxiety or need for nourishment. Very young children would cry out for mother's milk, and then it was provided by mom. Older children used the morning breath treatment on their parents, and it most always worked. But, sometimes, parents had to say "no", but they did so nicely and politely, apologizing for having to say "no". The child didn't always take the word "no" well, obviously, but parents reassured children by cooing at them, which made them feel heard.

Righteous ordering can be understood in terms of going to the restaurant. When going to the restaurant, you can have it your way, but it has to be on the menu. When an item is discontinued, the waitress is nice about it, even if you are not. The waitress works for you, and you tell the waitress what you want, and the main policy is "the customer is always right". Parents work for their children in the same way. Parents, in fact, were likened to bondservants then, with parents toiling for a lump sum which is the maturity and independence of their child.

The idea of "back talk" is not a biblical concept, except on the part of parents, meaning parents aren't to talk back to their children. Children call the shots in the family home, and thus children give the lawfully binding orders to parents, with parents ideally not talking back to their child. Parents can say "no" now and then, but only when the child's orders are unlawful and/or unworkable. Otherwise, saying "no" was a death sentence, even if only the second death.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!