Child discipline: How to discipline your child the right way (without punishment or force)

Many parents want children to have discipline. This is a common want for parents. Most American parents, however, think discipline involves punishment. The fact of the matter is that there are better ways to disciplining children besides harsh techniques such as punishments or reprimands. Most fathers in biblical times disciplined their children through praise and encouragement.

Praise and encouragement are part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: bit bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children then following in the footsteps of parents. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as taking turns, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised by fathers to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise by their fathers when caught being good, whereas girls were given a side-embrace by their fathers when caught being good. Children also needed religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. This started out with fathers leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible for the child to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement with phrases like "that book is good for you". From there, children's religious instruction came in question and answer format, with children being eager to learn the facts of life, with fathers giving children pointers on the context.

The religious development of children is how children develop in terms of their religious views. Most religious development starts at age 6, and lasts until around age 13 in most cases. When children first develop religious views, they are simplistic and do not conform to the norm of any religious denomination. But, as children got older, they started to conform to the norm of a specific religious denomination. It may not be the denomination of your choosing, but at least they have some values. Once they show you that they are developing values of their own, be sure to praise and encourage those values.

What motivates children to hear out the warning of their fathers? Why not with a secure attachment to their mother? For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. During the first 2 years of a child's life, mothers held their child constantly, either in mom's loving arms, or in a papoose bag when mom's hands were full. Children aged 2-6 ranged next to their mothers, never leaving mom out of their line of sight, even if mom just went into the other room. Children up until age 6 had a constant fear of mothers "going away and never coming back", and needed mom's reassurance that she wasn't going anywhere. Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their child before picking them up, then holding the child close to her bosom in skin-on-skin mammary closeness. When out and about in public, mothers swaddled their children next to their bosom in swaddling blankets. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy, with this co-sleeping lasting, in most cases, until the child reached the onset of puberty, which was when children wanted their own place to sleep.

The abovementioned warmth and sustenance is what readied children for the more distant nurturing of fathers. Mothers nurtured up close, and fathers nurtured from afar. Fathers were distant from their children, only being there to give lavish praise and encouragement. This was because of the sexual attachment between fathers and children, usually father and daughter, with the daughter also having a sexual attachment to her father that was mutually unrequited. Fathers dealt with their sexual attachments to their children by way of righteous masturbation, meaning they masturbated in order to purge unrequited lusts and passions. Fathers in the Early Church, as well as their Jewish predecessors, did not have any custom of sexual correction, unlike other ancient cultures.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!