Righteous ordering: Why children call the shots in Christian homes

Many parents believe that they have the right to order children around. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents punish their children for "talking back". The fact of the matter is that children have the right to call the shots in the family home.

Righteous ordering is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: as this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were largely persecuted for being "too soft" on their children.

Children called the shots in Christian homes in the 1st Century. Children issued orders as to what they wanted from parents, and parents had to comply with the orders of children in almost all cases. Parents could only refuse to obey the orders of children when the orders were unworkable and/or immoral. When children felt they were told "no" wrongly, they could take their parents before the council, where 3 elders would decide the fate of the parents, who were excommunicated upon being found guilty. When parents were found innocent, the child was simply comforted by the court, not punished.

Young children under age 6 issued orders by crying. Children usually cried when they wanted something, and mothers had to provide what the child wanted. Most of the time, mothers found a way to make it work, even if the child wasn't entirely pleased. If the mother had to say "no", she was required to coo at the child and comfort the child, picking up the child before cradling the child in her bosom. Older children did not cry, as much as issue the morning breath treatment to their parents. Even older children were cradled when they had their moments.

Righteous ordering can be understood as like going to a restaurant. You can have it your way, but only as long as it is on the menu. Then, the waitress is nice to you about the discrepancy, even if you are not nice about it. The job of parenting should be as thankless as being a server in a restaurant. Parents are simply there to be righteously used by their children, with parents being like a sponge, or better yet, a milking-cow in the case of mothers. Children called the shots throughout biblical times, meaning as long as it was workable or moral, the parents had to obey.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!