Most parents want their children to have discipline. This a common argument against attachment parenting. Christian attachment parenting is like other forms of attachment parenting, but with discipline that the secure attachment backs up.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your child to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.
The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offense, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were largely persecuted due to being "too soft" on their children.
The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging good Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their footsteps. Children, in biblical times, were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as waiting their turn, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged by fathers to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when fathers caught them being good, whereas girls were given snuggles and physical affection when fathers caught them being good. Children also needed religious instruction, meaning they needed to hear out their parents before being baptized as an adult. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Fathers left out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible, for children to discover and explore. When fathers caught their child reading and exploring the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged by fathers with phrases such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, with children eager to learn the facts of life, and with fathers giving pointers on the context.
Religious development is a part of the study of child development that deals with how children develop their religious beliefs. To start out, around age 6, children start out with simplistic religious beliefs that do not conform to any denominational belief system. But, as they get older, they grow more towards a specific denominational belief system. It may not be your own belief system, but at least they have values, which most children develop naturally. However, always be sure to praise and encourage the values they choose. If you did it right from day one, the belief should end up similar to yours.
What ultimately motivates children to take up the discipline and instruction of the Lord? The discipline and instruction of the Lord is ultimately motivated by a secure attachment between parent and child. Mothers, for the first 6 years of a child's life, were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of a child's life, they were constantly held, either in mother's arms, or else in a papoose bag on mother's back when mom's hands were full. When children were aged 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, never allowing mothers out of their line of sight, even when mothers simply went to the other room. Whenever children cried, mothers picked them up and cradled them next to their bosom, perhaps breastfeeding children when milk-hungry. When children were out and about, they were swaddled next to mothers in swaddling blankets, with mothers holding their child closer when the child cried while swaddled next to her. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format. This skin-on-skin co-sleeping lasted until the onset of puberty in a child, which is when the child then wanted their own place to sleep.
Children, for the last 7 years of childhood, went the way of their father for religious instruction. Both mothers and fathers nurtured children. Mothers nurtured from up close, and fathers nurtured from afar. Fathers nurtured from afar due to a parent attraction that they had, usually for daughters, but sometimes even for sons. Fatherly attraction to children usually starts when the child is aged 3, with the sexual attractions from there being mutually unrequited. Fathers usually kept their parent attractions to themselves using righteous masturbation, where the parent attraction was centered, then coming out as as a male nurturing instinct. Fathers were there simply to keep tabs on the religious instruction of their children, praising and encouraging milestones in a child's religious development. All of the close warmth in childhood came from mothers.
The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!
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