Hebrews 12:5-8: Why this isn't a spanking passage

Many parents punish their children. This is a common reaction amongst parents when children act up. Most parents cite the Bible as an excuse for punishing children. Hebrews 12:5-8 is a common biblical excuse for spanking or punishing children. However, the passage means no such thing.

It says in Hebrews 12:5-8 KJV:

And ye have forgotten the exhortation that speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If you endure chastening, God dealeth with you as sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.

This passage was intended by the Apostle Paul as reassurance for the Hebrew Christians, who were being persecuted for their Christian beliefs. The Greek root word translated "scourgeth" is μαστιγόω (Latin: mastigoó) and refer, in figurative tense, to the 40 minus 1 lashes. Ultimately, this passage is using rod language. In the Hebraic languages, as well as Ancient Greek, you didn't say "I had a long day at work", but instead said "God whipped me hard today". God sends trials and tribulations to those those He loves the most, and this fact of life is what Paul was mentioning in order to reassure the Hebrew Christians.

God whips His children, like only He can. God only whips His children when it isn't harmful. Earthly parents only whip their children when it does harm them. God is All-Powerful, and can scourge his children without causing one ounce of harm. Due to our sinful nature, we as adults should not punish children in any way, and instead should parent as it comes naturally - meaning attachment parenting.

Heb. 12:5-8 does not have anything to do with being an earthly parent. However, other passages do, See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy fathers and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children dutifully and selflessly, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus of bringing their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to populr legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords on their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children then following in the footsteps of parents. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever a child was caught showing good traits - either by being patient, showing self-control, or sharing - they were lavishly praised and encouraged to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when fathers caught them being good, whereas girls were given snuggles and other physical affection when fathers caught them being good. Children also needed a good religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. The instruction of the Lord started with fathers leaving out a Bible for children to peruse and explore, usually learning to read on that very Bible. When the child found the Bible, and started exploring it, fathers dropped in and praised the child with accolades such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious discussion in the family home came in question and answer format, with children eager to learn about the facts of life, and fathers offering pointers about the context. Children have a religious development on their own accord. Usually starting at age 6, children grow interested in religion. At first, their religious beliefs are abstract and non-conforming. But, as children get older, they start to conform to a specific denomination - maybe not the one you hoped for, but at least they'd have some values.

The main motivator for the example and instruction of the Lord was secure attachment. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness in relation to children, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, where the mother and child were quartered together in the nude, in skin-on-skin format, in the family home. Children aged up until age 2 were held constantly, either in the mother's arms, or in a papoose bag when mom was busy with chores around the house. Children aged 3-6 ranged next to mothers, following her room to room, righteously demanding that mom stay in sight, with children fearing mothers "going away and never coming back". Children usually were weaned by age 2, but sometimes weren't weaned until age 6 or maybe even older. Children who were ready for solid foods pushed away the nipple, whereas if they weren't ready, they would latch onto the breast every time. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with co-sleeping lasting until the onset of puberty.

Discipline in Early Christian homes came in the form of nurturing from fathers, but with that nurturing coming from a distance. Mothers nurtured children up close, especially for the first 6 years of the child's life. When children turned age 6, fathers had more contact with children. They did nurture, but in a teaching way, making learning about Scripture fun. Fathers remained distant from children due to parent attraction on their part. Fathers followed sexual thoughts of their children to the end through indulging in masturbatory fantasy.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!