Righteous ordering: Why children call the shots in Christian homes

Many parents think that children are under the authority of their parents, and don't question that popular notion. Most American homes are set up from top to bottom. Authoritative parent is where children petition what they want from parents, but with parents making the final decision - and then children get punished when they protest the final decision of parents. Righteous ordering, in the Judeo-Christian tense, is where children call the shots in the family home.

Righteous ordering is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with parents bearing the burden of proof. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children dutifully and selflessly, as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishment, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

In Christian homes in the Early Church, children called the shots from their place of secure, vulnerable rest. Children, while they were still dependent on parents, held divine authority over their parents. Children issued righteous demands, and parents - in most all cases - were required to obey their children. The only way parents could righteously disobey their children was when the child ordered something immoral and/or unworkable. 

Even then, when parents said "no", parents were required to listen to and validate the child's upset surrounding the word "no". Simply ignoring the tantrum isn't enough - you need to reassure and validate the upset coming from the child. Mothers would pick up children and cradle them  in her bosom, no matter how young or old the child was. 

Children, if they felt that their parents disobeyed them wrongly, they could appeal before the council. If the parents were found guilty of disobeying their child, they were excommunicated from the church. If the child did deserve the word "no", and the court ruled in favor of the parents, the panel of 3 elders reassured the child without punishment. 

Children asserted themselves differently at different ages. Young children cried a lot, in order to advocate a need. Maybe they were tired, and/or needed mother's milk. Crying was seen as a righteous demand for a need. Older children directly ordered their parents around, with parents taking the role of household custodian, as opposed to custodian in another tense. Children were told "no" only in the nicest of ways, and with mothers reassuring children when they couldn't handle the word "no".  

Children asserted themselves to parents in a way that they used parents, with parents being used as like a sponge. That's all parents were there for, even when children were adults - to be used like a sponge. Parenting in biblical times was seen as being a waitress today - you can have it your way, as long as it is on the menu. All that parents are for is providing righteously for the child's needs. Those needs were seen as lawful orders by parents, to be obeyed righteously. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!