Independence: Why healthy independence comes from healthy dependence

It is the goal of every parent. Children should be as independent as possible. Most parents don't realize it, but that is the ultimate goal of Christian attachment parenting. Most parents think teaching children independence means forcing them into situations beyond their comfort zones. However, the fact of the matter is that healthy independence comes from healthy dependence.

Healthy independence does indeed come from healthy dependence, in the context of mutual submission. Think a child surrendering safely and securely to mom. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as they would God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

Independence is the main goal of parenting. However, healthy independence comes from healthy dependence. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. Children, for the first 2 years of life, were constantly held, either in the mother's arms, or in a papoose bag when mothers were doing chores. Children get 2-6 ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, afraid of mothers "going away and never coming back". Breastfeeding, in most cases, lasted until age 2, but sometimes lasted all the way up until age 6. Breastfeeding ended when children refused the nipple, with them otherwise latching onto the nipple until then. Any time between age 2 and 6 is when you can expect the child to push away the nipple, which is the first sign of independence. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin fashion, with this setup ending at the onset of puberty.

When children turned 6, they started shaking off the sustaining warmth of mothers, insisting on doing things themselves. In most cases, this starts with children wanting to help out with chores. Children, from there, ventured on their own, places far from home. They had to check in with mom, but then they were allowed to play outside. The last thing children gave up was co-sleeping, with children beforehand being lulled to sleep by mom, right next to mom, and with children shaking themselves off of their mother's closeness. Children, in most cases, gave up co-sleeping at the onset of puberty, when they develop the ability to self-soothe on their own accord.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke your child to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!