Discipline and limit setting in Christian homes: Why children should be encouraged to be strict with themselves

Children need it - discipline. Discipline is a need for all children. However, most parents mix up punishment and discipline. Punishment is seen today as the only way to discipline of children. However, there are better ways of disciplining a child. The goal of discipline is not to be strict with children, but for parents to encourage children in being strict with themselves.

Discipline of children is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; for this is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment came from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children like they would God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. The parish at Ephesus was given parenting manuals from the Apostle Paul concerning this commandment, and how to apply this commandment.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and oppose any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers did use the scourge of cords to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging good Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in the footsteps of parents. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as sharing, patience, or self-control - fathers gave lavish praise and encouragement that children were "headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when caught being good by fathers, whereas girls were given snuggles and physical affection when caught being good by fathers. Children also received religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Children were instructed by way of parents putting out a Bible, for the child to find and explore. When children found the Bible, and started perusing through the pages, fathers came right in the room, praising and encouraging the religious vocation of the child. From there, religious instruction came in a question and answer format, with children being eager to learn the facts of life, and fathers giving pointers on the context.

Children have their own religious development. Most children are wired to, at some point, pick a religion. Children usually start in their religious journey at age 6. Children's theologies appear abstract at first, but eventually, they conform to a specific set of denominational beliefs. Children usually conformed to a religious belief system by age 13, and the purpose for the religion is self-control and self-regulation.

What motivates children to follow in their parents' footsteps in terms of religion? A secure attachment is necessary for your children to hear you out and take you seriously. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. When at home, children under age 3 were constantly held by mothers, either in her arms, or else on her back in a papoose bag when mom's hands were full doing chores. Children aged 3-6 followed mothers from room to room, ordering she "stay here", fearing that she would instead "go away and never come back". Young children under age 6, when out and about, were swaddled to the bosom of mothers, in swaddling blankets. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers, in skin-on-skin closeness and warmth. Most co-sleeping ended when the child reached the onset of puberty, which is when they wanted their own place to sleep.

Children, like all of us, are sinful human beings. However, children are capable of self-improvement almost entirely on their own, meaning they can grow up on their own, without any punishment or intervention. They just need the example and instruction of the Lord, meaning children need a good Christian example to look up to, and room to develop their own theology, with the child being encouraged for showing good traits or reading the Bible. Most children come to the point of self-control or Christian morals on their own, but it is always good to encourage the child that they are headed down the straight path. Children are flawed like the rest of us, but even they are capable of self-improvement.

Strictness is necessary in a child's life. However, being strict with children is unnecessary and, in fact, a moral crime against your child. The key is to instead encourage children to be strict with themselves. True strict attitudes come from within the child, on par with their religious vocation. There is no need to beat a religious education into a child

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!