Child discipline: How to discipline your child (without punishment or force)

Many parents know the truth - children need discipline. Children indeed do need discipline. However, many parents mix up punishment and discipline. Proper Christian discipline, however, involves due praise and encouragement, as opposed to punishment and harshness. Parents are not to be strict with their children, but instead should encourage children to be strict with themselves.

Actual Christian parenting is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, and is summed up in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, meaning parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law to a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women in the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers brought out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian form of discipline is deserving of nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as sharing, patience, or self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when caught being good by fathers, whereas girls were given snuggles and physical affection when caught being good by fathers. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to religious instruction. Fathers, when the child was around age 6, left out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible. When fathers caught their children paging through and exploring the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, and fathers gave pointers on the context.

Children develop religion on their own, with leaving out a Bible being the start of their religious journey. Religious views in younger children are more simplistic and non-conforming. From there, children's religious development unfolded, with children usually eventually conforming to a religious denomination. Whenever you see your child take up religious practice, they deserve lavish praise and encouragement. Same whenever children show good traits, in any sense of the term.

What motivates children in their religious education? Children are largely motivated to both follow the example and instruction of the Lord by way of secure attachment. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, where mother and child were quartered in the nude in the family home, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. Children aged 0-2 were constantly held by mothers, in her arms most of the time, and in a papoose bag when mom's hands were busy. Children aged 3-6 ranged next to mothers, righteously demanding that mothers stay in their line of sight when mothers went into the other room, with children having separation anxiety about mothers "going away and never coming back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children, before picking up the child, perhaps breastfeeding the child to sleep if milk-hungry. When mothers were out and about in public, they swaddled their children next to their bosom in swaddling blankets, holding children who cried closer to her bosom. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers, in skin-on-skin format. This co-sleeping occurred until the child reached the onset of puberty, which was when they wanted their own place to sleep.

Fathers nurtured too, but from afar. The idea is to impart a disciplined Christian example by knowing that you are a depraved and entitled sinner who is deserving of absolutely nothing, and be convicted of that mantra. Some of us adults have gotten to the point where we know that were are deserving of nothing but non-existence. When children showed signs of Christian discipline - such as sharing, waiting their turn, and showing self-control - such good traits in children were lavishly praised and encouraged by fathers. The main way that children used their father was a source of wisdom. Children were disciplined in the Early Church, but in the form of nurturing a child with loving praise and encouragement. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur which is prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!