Righteous ordering: The key to parenting a child with ODD

Many parents think that a child with oppositional-defiant disorder (ODD) is deserving of punishment, and that such a rebellious child needs more punishment and structure. The fact of the matter is that children with ODD need LESS limits, not more. The Judeo-Christian acronym of righteous ordering works for all children, and can be used in dealing with behaviors in children linked to ODD.

Righteous ordering is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Parents are the enemy of children, just as mankind is the enemy of God, and are to submit as such. Child surrender comes with strings attached on the part of parents, with children issuing lawfully binding orders to their parents, usually when parents weren't pulling their weight.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to,, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords as s means of punishing their children but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were largely hated for being "too soft" on their children.

Righteous ordering meant that children called the shots in biblical times, from their place of rest. Child surrender in biblical times meant a secure attachment, with children resting securely in the loving arms of parents, owing parents nothing in return for their tender loving care. That implies that children have the right to order parents around. Children, in biblical times, issued lawfully binding orders towards their parents. Parents had to obey the orders of their children, except when those orders were unlawful and/or unworkable. When children thought the word "no" wasn't warranted, they could take their parents before the council, and if the parents were found guilty, they were excommunicated from the Early Christian Churches of God. This setup is perfect for a child with ODD. You may even get your child to rest securely without them constantly demanding things, but don't count on it. Respect was earned in biblical times, but parents earned their respect by taking orders from their children.

ODD comes in the form of a strong counterwill, and is, in most cases, is secondary to another disorder, usually autism, bipolar disorder, and/or ADHD. Most ODD or ODD symptoms point to the need for medication for the primary disorder that is causing the ODD symptoms in children. Perhaps their medication is off, or they need new medication. Some cases cannot be medicated, usually when it is associated solely with autism and not a disorder secondary to the autism. Parents should obey the needs of their child, as directed by the child, until they can get on the right medication.

I am very much pro-medication. Medication helped me see the Holy Spirit much better, and from there, I improved. I needed mediation badly as a child, as I had both bipolar disorder and ODD. Medication can work wonders. With some childhood disorders, medication is the only way out of mental illness. If I didn't get my lithium carbonate, I might be in prison by now.

In the mean time, before the right medication comes, parents are to submit fully and dutifully to their child, giving up the fight, and giving in to righteous demands on the part of the child. If they want something crazy, give it to them, as they are only a child once. Children with ODD perceive it strongly when adults are being controlling with them, and that is what the real battle at home is about.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!