Gratitude: How to teach your children to be thankful (every day)

'Tis the thanksgiving season. Now is the time especially to give thanks to the Lord Above. Most parents want their children to behave grateful this Thanksgiving and Christmas season. I have a little bit of bad news - children won't get the message right away, as they are still children. However, most all children get to the point of being grateful about life. True gratitude is a constant, disciplined feeling, not an effusive feeling. 

Children give thanks when they see parents give thanks. This takes place within the context of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Parents are the enemy of children, just as mankind is the enemy of God, and are to submit as such. Child surrender had strings attached on the part of parents, meaning children issued righteous demands on parents, usually when parents weren't pulling their weight.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, hut he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were hated largely for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in the footsteps of parents; Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught emulating the example of their parents, they were given lavish praise and encouragement to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when caught being good by their fathers, and girls were given snuggles and physical affection when caught being good. Sometimes, children needed direct instruction from parents. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the advice and counsel of parents, meaning parents could only give advice when needed, or else counsel children when upset. Otherwise, parents were under the divine authority of their children.

It should be noted that children aren't going to get the message of gratitude and thanksgiving initially. The child will see family dinner at thanksgiving as just a free opportunity to eat turkey. Young children have no sense of gratitude, and want things galore. It is good to give to children everything they want while they are little, as they will learn the concept of gratitude soon enough, as long as they have a grateful example that gives thanks in everything. The only time parents should say "no" is when their request is immoral or illegal. Giving children what they want to their heart's content won't make your child ungrateful, but rather will give them things and memories to be grateful for.

Gratitude in children starts with gratitude in yourself. Gratitude starts with atoning for your entitled existence, meaning coming to the conviction and knowledge that you are a depraved and entitled sinner who is deserving of absolutely nothing merely for existing. When you come to the conviction that you are deserving of absolutely nothing, and accept that harsh reality, you look around you, and come to appreciate everything around you, including everyone around you. Depravity conditioning makes you a better person.

What motivates children to follow the grateful example of parents? Good gratitude in children starts with a secure attachment between parents and children, primarily with mothers, and secondarily with fathers. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to their mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, where mother and child were quartered in the family home while in the nude next to each other, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. Whenever children cried, mothers were there for their children, cooing at them before picking them up, then holding them close to their bosom in mammary closeness. When out and about in public, mothers swaddled children next to their bosom in swaddling blankets. Children were breastfed by their mothers, in most cases, until age 3 or else sometimes up until age 6 or older - breastfeeding ended when children pushed away the nipple. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin closeness, breastfeeding children to sleep as long as they were milk-dependent. Children co-slept next to mothers until the onset of puberty, in most cases.

Signs of gratitude in your child is them having good manners, namely saying "please" when requesting something, and "thank you" when receiving something. These good manners should develop between the ages of 6-8, if modeled correctly. When you see your child show good Christian manners, be sure to praise and encourage them on their progress. A child needs YOU to show thanks for their thanks in order for the good behavior to continue in a child. Children are able to learn gratitude on their own, that is, if a parent models it.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!