Thanksgiving is approaching: How to teach your child how to give thanks (without punishment or force)

Thanksgiving is approaching. Most people think of turkey when they think of thanksgiving, but not much else. Thanksgiving in a Judeo-Christian holiday where you sit around the table and count your blessing. Parents do want their children to be grateful for everything. However, this starts with parents taking a thankful attitude.

Gratitude is being happy with what you have, knowing that you deserve absolutely none of it. Gratitude is a lesson that children learn gradually, not all at once. Gratitude should be taught within the context of the doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest love long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Parents are the enemy of children, just as mankind is the enemy of God, and are to submit as such. Child surrender to parents came with strings attached on the side of parents, with children issuing righteous demands, usually happening when parents weren't pulling their weight.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of damages or offenses perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish as Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along well with the women in the church, but he sure loved children, and took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were hated largely for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling or encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with their children following in the footsteps of parents. Children, in biblical times, were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever a child was caught following the disciplined example of parents, they were lavishly praised and encouragement to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when caught being good by fathers, whereas girls were given snuggles and physical affection when caught being good by fathers. Sometimes, children needed direct instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the advice and counsel of parents, meaning that parents can only give advice when needed, or else counsel children when they are upset. Otherwise, children hold divine authority over parents.

Thanksgiving is about giving thanks to the Lord Above for everything, while sitting around with family and friends. Gratitude is not simply an effusive reaction when things go your way, but is being able to count your blessings even when faced with adversity, with this adversity making the Christian stronger. This requires a special conditioning where you come to the conviction that you are deserving of absolutely nothing due to being born in sin. The idea is to come to terms with this reality that is your entitled existence. Once you accept that you are deserving of absolutely nothing, you start to look around and see what you already have. You become thankful for everything in sight. Children will see you take on that attitude, and then will copy your good works on themselves. When they copy your good works, such as when using proper manners or showing self-control, praise them with thanks of your own.

How can a child be inspired to be like their parents? Children need a secure attachment with their mother primarily, and their father secondarily. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, where mother and child were quartered next to each other in the family home, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. Whenever a child cried, mothers cooed before picking up children, then holding the child next to her bosom in mammary closeness. When out and about in public, children were swaddled next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to their mother in skin-on-skin comfort and sustenance. This co-sleeping lasted until the child reached the onset of puberty, which was when children wanted their own place to sleep.

Gratitude and thanksgiving in children do not form right away. The nature of children is to want things. It is okay to give children everything their hearts content, as long as it is not unworkable or immoral. There is no such thing as too much indulgence leading to ingratitude in children. Children will absorb your grateful example, but they will do so slowly, as long as they have a grateful example to look up to, that they can trust. That trust is formed by a secure attachment rooted in the first 6 years of a child's life.

Children grow up almost entirely on their own, albeit while guided by a grateful example. Children do not need to be rushed in the process of growing up. Children absorb the example of their parents at their own pace. Giving thanks is something you see pop up in a child's behavior, and then you praise it in order to encourage good thanks in your children.

Thanksgiving is a Judeo-Christian holiday, and I celebrate that holiday. I myself take the attitude that I am deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore am grateful for absolutely everything, meaning all matter. Maybe I sometimes am unhappy, but aren't we all sometimes unhappy? But, due to my grateful conditioning, I can take a positive attitude about anything, and take adversity in stride. I am undeserving of my entitled existence, so therefore am grateful even to be alive.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!