Respect: Why respect in parenting is earned

Many parents want to be respected. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, most American parents demand respect. Most American parents feel entitled to respect from their children, without doing anything to earn it. The fact of the matter is that, according to our founding Judeo-Christian values, everything in life is earned. That means that respect is something a parent earns, not something a parent demands in an entitled way. 

The Fifth Commandment commands that adult children pay homage to their parents for the good works their parents performed for them. The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul to lift up the customary law that commands a secure attachment between parents and children into the church. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings. 

Respect for parents was a concept for children growing up in the Early Christian churches. But, the respect that parents wanted was not reverent respect, but closeness and intimacy. Children under age 6 were in constant closeness with mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, where mother and child were in the nude next to each other, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. Mothers of milk-dependent children breastfed their children. Mothers, when out and about in public, swaddled their young children next to their bosom in swaddling blankets, perhaps breastfeeding them in public if summoned to by their milk-dependent child. When children cried, mothers cooed in order to reassure and validate their child's fears and upsets, making sure children felt heard. The closer a child was to parents, the more they respected their parents, by the standard of parents then. Parents in the Early Church indulged in constant closeness during the formative years of a child's life in order to win over their respect.

When children left the house, they bowed down before their parents and thanked them for raising them the right way, and pampering them so much as a child. This bowing down of children usually occurred at a baptism, where adult children were being baptized into the church. Respect for parents was something commanded only of adult children who left the house and were independent of their parents, and came in the form of reverent thanksgiving. Some children had abusive parents, in which case they shunned their parents and even sued them in court. The council in the Early Christian Churches of God often excommunicated parents who punished and abused their children.

Respect for parents, for a child, however, was simply surrendering into the loving arms of mothers, and entrusting yourself into her completely, knowing mom will be there for you throughout your childhood journey. Respect for parents, as a child, means resting securely in the love and submission of parents, which is a form of secure attachment. This secure attachment was fostered by parents by parents pampering children. This pampering is what adult children gave thanks to regarding their parents when moving out.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!