Respect: Why parents need to earn respect from children

Most parents in America want their children to respect them. Many parents feel entitled to respect from children, demanding respect from children, then punishing children when parents feel disrespected. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents demand respect from their children. The fact of the matter is that respect in life is earned - even in parenting.

The Fifth Commandment to honor thy father and thy mother is cross-referenced several times in the New Testament. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul to lift up the customary law that commands a secure attachment between parents and children. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul. contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.

Respect for parents was a concept for children being brought up in the Early Church. However, that respect for parents was understood differently than today. Respect for parents came in the form of warmth and fondness in the presence of parents. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness with mothers, meaning wherever the young child went, so did the mother. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, with mother and child in the nude next to each other, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. When children cried, they were comforted immediately by mothers, with mothers picking up the child, then holding the crying child close to her bosom in mammary closeness. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format. This skin-on-skin co-sleeping lasted until the child reached the onset of puberty, when the child wanted their own place to sleep. Mothers then breastfed wherever they went, meaning even in public. This closeness was the kind of respect every Christian parent wanted then. This warmth and sustenance in the child's formative years set in motion the child growing to reverently respect their parents come adulthood.

When children left the house, after being baptized, they bowed down to parents, giving due thanks for all of the times they were pampered by their parents. Respect for parents was a mandate for all adults, with the only exception being the case of child abuse. Reverent respect for parents was thanksgiving for all of fond memories children had with parents. The idea was that parents submitted to their child selflessly and dutifully, expecting absolutely nothing in return. That creates a secure attachment that children thank their parents for later. 

Respect is earned in parenting, not given out on a silver platter. Demanding respect from anyone comes from entitlement, and that includes children. YOU, dear parents, are depraved and decadent sinners who are deserving of nothing but DEATH and PUNISHMENT merely for existing in relation to children and the God that extends them. YOU, dear parents, are not deserving of respect from your child. Instead, even that form of respect is earned. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!