"Benign" deprivation: Why "benign" deprivation is child abuse

Many parents think that children need to hear the word "no" every so often. This is a common belief amongst American parents. Most American parents abuse their children in a pattern known as "benign deprivation". The fact of the matter is that, from a biblical perspective, saying "no" too often is child abuse. I myself am a survivor of law-abiding parents who thought I needed to hear the word "no" all of the time, when in fact I needed response and sustaining comfort all of the time.

Benign deprivation is a violation of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This implies that parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children just as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the wake of parent submission. Parents are to submit to their children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings. 

The word "no" in relation to children was seen very differently in biblical times than it is today. Children then held lawful authority over their parents, and gave lawfully binding orders to their parents. By default, parents had to obey the every order of a child, fearfully and dutifully, expecting absolutely nothing in return. The only lawful reasons for saying "no" in biblical times was when the orders from the child were completely unworkable or otherwise were unlawful under the Law. Children could take their parents to court for saying "no" for the wrong reasons, meaning the parents would be dragged by their child before a panel of three church elders. Saying "no" at the wrong time was grounds for excommunication from the church.

How should parents deal with their children instead? During the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers. Mothers and children were in a state of birth nudity, where mothers and children were next to each other in the nude, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy, with children earning their clothing at their baptism as an adult. Mothers responded to the EVERY cry of a child, NOT just when they wanted to respond. Mothers responded to crying children by cooing and then, from there, diagnosing the need. When in public, children were swaddled next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets. When children cried, they were held close to her bosom, in mammary closeness and intimacy. Mothers practiced breastfeeding until the child refused the nipple, and even breastfed in public if summoned to by their child.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!