Oppositional-Defiant Disorder (ODD): Why children with ODD need less limits (not more)

Some parents have had to deal with this roller coaster ride. Oppositional-Defiant Disorder (ODD) is an impulse control disorder where children begin to challenge the instructions of parents, usually secondary to another disorder, usually autism, ADHD, or bipolar disorder. Most parents think that such children need a hard hand. The fact of the matter is that children with ODD need less limits, not more.

ODD is best served within the context of mutual submission. No child should ever be disciplined, but especially a child with ODD. If you are a child with ODD, discipline comes from within. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and thy mother; which is the first commandment with a promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest safely and securely in the sacrifice of parents, with parent believers resting safely and securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be an extension of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children just as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to their children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children just as they would God. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they are doing wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents for bringing their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child, advocating against such punishment repeatedly in his writings.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers here, as understood in context, to a disciplined example for children to follow, with this standard of Christian discipline being deserving of absolutely nothing, and grateful for absolutely everything. This undeserving and grateful attitude chastens up and hardens the parent. This idea is is to model this example to your child, backed up by a secure attachment. If you have a secure bond with your child, they will want to follow your disciplined example. This is true for children with ODD as well. Every once and a while, a child will need to be redirected, but redirection should be limited to when the child's behavior is either sinful and/or unsafe. Pro-social redirect is denoted in the Bible by the Greek root word translated "admonition" which is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and involves gently instructing children to stop a sinful or unsafe behavior. 

With oppositional defiant disorder, the secure attachment should be policing in nature, meaning reverse policing. Reverse policing is when you treat your children as the police, revering and fearing them as the extensions of God that they are. Parents are to give up the fight with their child, and give in to their demands. The hope in all this, for a parent, is that when you submit fully and dutifully to your child's demands, they will want to listen to you when you have instructions for them. Children with ODD have a strong counterwill, meaning a strong will to control in the reverse of control imposed on them. If you try to control such a child, they will try and control back, and they just might win. Or, you as a parent could just not try to control such a child, or any child for that matter. With a child with ODD, in order to have a secure attachment with them, you need to allow them to control you, and that means allowing them to police you as to what they need from you. They will learn from your example along the way, slowly growing towards your example.

Children, in biblical times, wore absolutely no clothing, at all, until they became adults. Women only wore clothing when outside the home, and otherwise went in the nude, in order to serve their husbands and their children, separarely. Mothers served their children by way of providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding and skin-on-skin comfort. Some children, in biblical times, were "stand-beside-me" children, meaning they rejected the sustaining warmth of mothers, not clinging to the warmth of mothers like other young children their age did. Usually, stand-beside-me children are highly energetic. Mothers were selfless with stand-beside-me children, allowing them to as much as hit, kick, and bite her to demand what they needed. Such chidren were usually demanding from a young age, and mothers just rolled with the punches, allowing themselves to be ordered around by their stand-beside-me child. A good adult caregiver of children, including any good parent, obeyed the commands of their children. When children were completely defiant, mothers picked up the child, and curled up with them on the ground in the fetal position.

ODD is usually due to a primary disorder that can be medicated, either by stimulants (in the case of ADHD) or mood stabilizers (in the case of bipolar disorder). ODD is usually a disorder secondary to autism, ADHD, or bipolar disorder. ADHD and bipolar disorder can be treated by medication, and this tsakes away the ODD immediately. However, finding the right medication takes years, and in some cases, the primary disorder is medication resistant. Cases involving pure autism cannot be treated by medication because there is no medication to put autism into remission, due to the inherent nature of autism. So, in the mean time, you will have to be policed by your child. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!