Honor your parents: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents want to be honored. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents feel entitled to being honored by their children, and make entitled demands in that regard. Most Americans think that the Fifth Commandment to honor your parents prohibits even speaking against parents. The fact of the matter is that it does not. It instead prohibits only clear and deliberate cases of elder abuse.

It says in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. 

This commandment, in context, refers to the commission of clear and deliberate elder abuse, as further clarified in the parent protection laws. "Honor" here refers means "do not dishonor" as in committing honor offenses against parents. Those honor offenses being referred to here are listed in the parent protection laws. "Do not strike your parents" (see Exod. 21:15) means do not repeatedly beat your parents. "Do not curse your parents" (see Lev. 20:9) means do not administer airborne gaslighting to your parents. The parent protection laws only apply to mature adults, meaning adults that have moved away from home. Being a parent victim of elder abuse in Ancient Israel involved taking on much stigma, meaning parent victms of elder abuse weren't believed then, with bystanders usually commenting with things such as "Where did they learn that behavior". God sided with the victimized parents. No adult descendant was ever put to death, but a small handful were whipped due to their acts that dishonored their parents. Dishonoring parents was a high bar to prove under the Law, meaning there had to be many warning that the abusive behavior had to stop before it could get to court, and even then, the court could dismiss the parents' case just because there weren't enough warnings given. Parents alone had to prove that they were being beaten or sent on their merry way, with multiple eyewitnesses. The court had to come to a two-thirds majority that the parent was aggrieved before an errant son could be whipped. It is certainly okay today to speak against your parents, and even judge your parents.

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children just as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as extensions of God. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceved by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating them as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.

Children in biblical times were in the providing custody of their parents, primarily that of their mother, and secondarily that of their father. Mothers formed a secure attachment with children, and did so by providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding or skin-on-skin comfort. Children, during the first 6 years of life, were in constant closeness to their mothers, never leaving her side, being worn in swaddling blankets next to her bosom when she left the home. Around the time when the child turned 6, they started exploring more, including exploring the Bible. Most children in biblical times were taught to read on the Bible. Children became more self-reliant, while at the same time, when they needed rest from exploring, they went to mothers for closeness once more, with mothers serving as home base for children to recharge. Children slept next to mothers until they insisted on sleeping in their own bed or room. Children came to be securely attached to fathers through their mother, with fathers making themselves at home next to their children by indulging in masturbatory fantasy about them. Fathers could be physically affectionate in a gentle way, meaning snuggling and hugging, but only with the express permission of the mother.

Providing custody and punitive custody are two separate terms. Punitive custody means that the individual being cared for by a caregiver is bound by the law, as enforced by the caregiver. Providing custody means that the individual being cared for is not under any law. Children are in the providing custody of first their mother, and secondly their father. Parents then were not lawmakers or lawgivers, but merely caregivers for their children. Children were not under the control of their parents, but instead were taught how to control and discipline themselves (see Eph. 6:4). Parents in biblical times simply provided food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment, and didn't attempt to impose any authority onto children. Parents were not seen as authority figures, but instead best friends by children, especially mothers. 

The Fifth Commandment, in sum, simply sets up parental headship. This means parents are the head of children in terms of providing for them their every vulnerable need. Dishonoring parents is a moral crime only mature adults who have left the home can commit, and only through clear and deliberate acts of elder abuse. Otherwise, it is up to the secular laws to protect parents, and parental rights should not go beyond the basics, or we have a case of parents incurring on the rights of children.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!