Change of heart: How to cause a change of heart in your child - without spanking or punishment

Most all parents want it in children, whether you are left or right in terms of social leaning. This is a common want for parents on behalf of their children. A change of heart generally means, to most parents, growing up. Sometimes, children have specific mental health issues that require individual children to need self-improvement.

Change of heart can only take place within the confines of a mutual submission relationship between parent and child. This is denoted in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with a promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating their child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to, in this context, modeling Christian discipline to children. Christian discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, and grateful for absolutely everything, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. When fathers noticed that their children were absorbing lessons of Christian discipline, they lavishly praised and encouraged Christian discipline in children. Christian parents first took seriously their own commitment to change of heart, and then modeled their change of heart to their child, and because there was a secure attachment, children wanted to take up self-improvement and discipline just like their parents. Sometimes, children need direct instruction, usually in the form of redirection, but only rarely. Redirection and instruction are denoted by the Greek root word translated "admonition", which is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia). Instruction and redirection should only be when the child is endangering themselves or others in an immediate manner, spiritually or otherwise. Apart from situations where children are endangering themselves or others physically or mentally in an immediate manner, only acts of sexual impurity should be redirected. Masturbation was not considered sexual impurity in the biblical context.

Children should not be expected to behave in a disciplined manner right away, or have a change of heart right away. Most childish and immature behaviors that most parents call "naughty" are actually developmentally appropriate behaviors given the child's age and developmental level. The idea is not to be offended by a child's immature behaviors, including when they are out of sorts and crying. Children will absorb your example and the family values you have in your home environment, but they will do so slowly and at their own pace. The idea is to catch a child being good, not being bad. When they are being "bad", leave it go, or redirect them if they are behaving dangerously. The more you catch a child being good, the more they will be good. "Good" here means disciplined and non-entitled. Children rarely are disciplined and non-entitled, but they can learn to be disciplined and non-entitled.

Children learned to read starting at age 6 from the Bible. What Christian parents in the 1st Century did was leave out a Bible for children to find on their own. Usually, children found the Bible on their own, and then started studying it on their own, knowing instinctively what it was for. When fathers caught their children reading the Bible, he praised his child for reading the right thing. Encouragement was used to make sure the child went the right way. Ultimately, children went the way they went, and they could disagree with their parents on theology to a point, but not to the point of heresy once they were legally adults under church ordinance. Children rarely turned out atheist then, and only turned atheist when discouraged due to provocations to anger, meaning punitive parents alienated their atheist children by abusing them the way they did. Religious child abuse was a violation of church ordinance for the very reason that it always seemed to drive children away.

Children, in biblical times, were in the providing custody, first of their mothers, secondly of their fathers. Mothers had a secure attachment to their children, and did so by providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding and skin-on-skin comfort. For the first 6 years of a child's life, they were in constant closeness with their mother, never leaving her side, being held close to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets when the mother was out and about. Around age 6, children started exploring the terrain, playing outside with other children. But, at the end of the day, they snuggled with mothers at night, and snuggled with mothers when they were tired of playing, with mothers being home base in order for children to recharge. This happened until children shook off the closeness of mothers entirely at around age 13. Children formed a secure attachment with fathers through their mothers, with fathers making themselves at home through masturbatory fantasy about their child. This close bond created the space for children to absorb the disciplined and non-entitled example of parents. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!