Oppositional-Defiant Disorder (ODD): Why children with ODD need less limits (not more)

Some parents have a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). ODD is a disorder usually secondary to another disorder, usually autism, bipolar disorder, ADHD, or any mixture of these diagnoses. Usually, ODD symptoms go away once the primary disorder is medicated, except when the primary disorder is autism, in which case the parent just has to live with the disorder in their child, and provide for them a secure attachment. It is a myth that children with ODD "need a hard hand". Children with ODD actually need less limits, and more attachment.

ODD is best served by parents in the context of parents applying the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. Parents are to be submissive to children, just as mankind is submissive to God, with parents regarding themselves as the enemy of such. In return, children are to rest safely and securely in the love and submission of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest safely and securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children just as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to their children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and also was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor perceived by a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages and offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating them as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up this legal context in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.

Children, in biblical times, wore absolutely no clothing, at all, until they became adults. Women only wore clothing when outside the home, and otherwise went in the nude, in order to serve both their husbands and their children, separately. Mothers served their children by providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding and skin-on-skin comfort. Some children, in biblical times, were known as "stand-beside-me" children, and these were children that rejected the closeness of mothers from early on, and thus mothers just insisted that these children stand beside them. Children could hit, kick, or bite mothers, and as long as they stood by the side of mothers at all times, they were good. If they left the side of mothers, mothers knew, and then grabbed the children by the arm, placing the child right by their side once more. This was the harshest mothers were with oppositional children. Children, while by their mother's side, could be themselves, swear at parents, pick up objects and hurl them at mothers, and mothers didn't care. Mothers never tried to control them, and only picked them up when they were milk-hungry, and then put them down right away. Usually, these children were aggressive with mothers, and hit, kicked, and bit their mothers to express vulnerable needs, and mothers simply cried every time it happened, eventually teaching children to cry instead of be aggressive when they need something. When children were clearly and blatantly defiant, mothers picked them up and curled on the ground next to them in the fetal position.

It is a myth that children with ODD need more limits. Children with ODD or traits of ODD have a strong counterwill, meaning if you try to control them, they will try to control you back. The key to dealing with ODD is reverse policing. Reverse policing is treating the child as you would the police, meaning you give up the fight that you have with your child, and give in to the demands of your child. Most children, when you give in to their demands, stop demanding. With children with ODD, it is an endless stream of demands. But, trying to clamp down on demanding behavior will only backfire, as they will continue to hound you, and escalate their rampage, until you give up the fight. 

Most of the time, ODD is treatable by medication, so it is just a matter of finding the right medication. But, finding the right medication can take years. I myself almost fit the diagnostic criteria for ODD as a child, and lithium carbonate - alongside other medications - cured the disorder. It, however, took many years of trial and error for my developmental pediatrician to find the right medication. Some cases of ODD are medication resistant, usually those associated with autism and not a co-morbid mood or impulse-control disorder. When the problem is ADHD or bipolar disorder, medication usually works, but even then, sometimes the strain of ADHD or bipolar disorder is medication resistant. In the mean time, reverse policing strategies work, meaning your child will have to police you as to their needs, instead of you policing them.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!