Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers are to rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children as they would God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Children are to rest safely and securely in the presence of parents, trusting parents in all things, following mothers around especially like goslings to a mother goose.
The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as thr slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen then as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up this legal context in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.
What does a child with oppositional-defiant traits need? Policing attachment was the form of secure attachment found in biblical times, and is what Paul meant when he commanded children to rest safely and securely in the submission of their parents. Children in biblical times were seen as extensions of God, meaning installments and sentries of God called to judge righteously adults on their charity and good will towards the children, as well as anyone poor and vulnerable. Children were prized in biblical times for being bold and rebellious, with parents being submissive to these bold and rebellious traits. Children were allowed to righteously demand what they needed and wanted, and children then got most all of what they wanted, and absolutely everything that they needed.
Oppositional defiant children sometimes strike out against their parents. Parents in biblical parents simply incurred the child onto themselves, then crying by accepting the helplessness of the situation. The crying got the child's attention, and then the child is frantic to repair the emotional damages done to parents. When your child tries to ease the damages inflicted by them, say "just don't do it again, honey". Just know that these children lack self-control, and so they will strike out again, but don't expect it as often. Parents are able to remain humble in this way around children by declaring themselves a depraved and decadent sinner who is deserving of absolutely nothing, from children or anyone else.
Children with oppositional defiant traits have a strong counterwill. The counterwill is the self-defense instinct of a child being controlled by adults, and with an oppositional or defiant child, this will to counter-control is very strong. That means that the more you fight and battle with such a child by restricting them and setting boundaries, the more they are going to fight. Just give up the fight. Then, give in to their demands, and let them cast a dominion over you. Being consumed with acts of good works for your child is the very definition of Christian love. You may find that what your child really wants isn't that hard to please, once you stop battling with them. But, if you continue with that attitude that you need to control their behavior, they will keep up that counter-control that they do so good. Just give them what they want, and keep the train going, saying "no" rarely and only when it is absolutely necessary. When saying "no", comfort them. If you are their mother, give them sustaining warmth and comfort through skin-on-skin contact next to the bosom of mothers.
Know that our culture stigmatizes ODD traits, in a way that makes the disorder or complex worse. In Ancient Jewish society, including the Early Church, children were prized when they behaved in a bold and rebellious manner. Boldness, particularly bold feats of independence, were encouraged by Jewish and Christian fathers. Rebellion was also encouraged to a large degree, as the rebelliousness of children endeared Jewish and Christian adults. Most children in the Bible had some form of oppositional-defiant traits growing up, but the children were given space to rebel, and since they got most of what they wanted, there wasn't much of a fight. The way it turned out was that children simply asked for a lot, and parents were happy to submit to such demands from children. Children didn't care that maybe they sounded impolite. If they said anything bold about what they wanted, they were patted on the back for being the bold children that they were. It was believed that boldness in children lead to them being self-reliant adults.
The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!
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