"Back talk": Why talking back is not sin in the Bible

Every parent has had to deal with it at some point. A child talks back to parents. This is a common occurrence in American homes, and most American parents handle it entirely the wrong way. Most American parents don't want to be talked back to. However, it is actually not a sin to talk back to parents. The fact of the matter is that children are allowed by God to talk back to parents.

It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children as they would God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Children are to rest safely and securely in the presence of parents, trusting parents in all things, following mothers around especially like goslings to a mother goose.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, and "kidnapping" was defined under the Law then as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times was seen then as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating a child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up this legal context in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.

Children were not punished when they talked back in biblical times. Even open defiance was not seen as a behavioral problem. Children were prized when they were bold and rebellious, and that is how children were expected to be in Jewish and Christian homes then. Boldness was seen as a precursor to self-reliance, and so fathers encouraged bold feats of independence in children. Rebelliousness was also a welcome trait in biblical children by their parents. Rebellious traits were doted upon, and endeared children to their parents. All was seen as simply a child growing up and asserting their own identity apart from their parents. Usually, the first half of childhood was calm, like "silent night". The second half is where children started to rebel, usually by insisting on doing things on their own, and also by making increasing demands on parents. Many children in biblical times has oppositional-defiant traits by today's standards, especially in the latter half of childhood.

Back talk was actually encouraged in biblical times. It was the concept of reverent rebellion. Children asserted themselves starting at around age 6 by demanding to parents what they wanted. These demands brought parents to a place of full and dutiful submission. Parents were submissive to children, fearing reverently their every demand, being convicted of their children's demands, and then providing for children most of what they wanted, and everything that they needed. Children issued lawful and binding orders and edicts, and this brought parents into submission to their children. Children did not have to ask nicely. Instead, the bluntness and boldness of a child's language was seen as cure and endearing. Parents, when children became defiant and rebellious, gave up the fight immediately, and gave in to the child's demands.

So you are probably wondering how to teach your children discipline. In an attachment parenting environment, children absorb what they need to know to become disciplined on their own. Children simply do not become disciplined right away. When children are given nourishment and sustenance, meaning attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding and skin-on-skin comfort and co-sleeping, they want to be disciplined like their parents. So, impart a disciplined, chastened up example and your children should follow in your footsteps. Children cannot learn when they are being controlled. They need to learn self-control, on their own terms.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of God!