How to teach obedience to children - without spanking or punishment

Many parents want to teach their children obedience. Most parents think only punishment and other punitive measures in parenting are the only way to teach the life skill of obedience. The fact of the matter is that obedience isn't just an action, but an attitude towards life. If you have my values, you need to obey everyone around you, not just those above you in terms of hierarchy. 

Love is obedience, and obedience is love. The Greek root word denoting Christian love is αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to prioritizing your neighbor first, and yourself last, to the point of dutiful and selfless submission to your neighbor, expecting absolutely nothing in return. True Love does not come from pride or desire, but instead fearful conviction, where adult believers are convicted of the fact that they are a depraved and decadent sinner who is deserving of absolutely nothing, leading to the sinner feeling worthless. This leads to the sinner being prompted to earn their worth by serving their neighbor. Sometimes, you need to heed warning from a higher authority, with the Greek root word υποτασσο (Latin: hupotasso) and refers to loyalty, to the point of surrender to a higher authority. Children are watching. If you take an obedient attitude towards others and life, so will they. An obedient attitude is to be taken by the PARENT, not the child, in order to model how to be obedient.

Obedience is a life skill that can be modeled to children. However, every good example needs someone to back it up. Punitive parenting such as spanking and punishment is often used as a means to back up a Christian example. However, attachment parenting is the only way. When a child grows up in a securely attached environment, they want to be like their parents. Attachment parenting can be understood by the Christian concept of mutual submission. It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Children are to rest safely and securely in the presence of parents, trusting parents in all things, following mothers around especially like goslings to a mother goose.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with kidnapping being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenes stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating a child as a slave. Paul here was lifting up this legal context in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposes any and all punishment of a child.

Children, in biblical times, wore absolutely no clothing, at all, until they became adults. Women only wore clothing when outside the home, otherwise going in the nude, in order to serve both their husbands and their children, separately. Mothers served their children by way of providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding or skin-on-skin comforting strategies. Children went naked in biblical times for a reason - so that mothers could scoop up their children and snuggle with them in skin-on-skin format, when they were crying or upset. Out and about, children up until age 6 were swaddled next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets. By night, mothers co-slept next to their mothers in skin-on-skin format, with mother and child fast asleep in the nude, and with children soaking up the rays from skin-to-skin contact with mothers. Fathers also formed a secure attachment with children, by way of witnessing the close bond between mother and child, when the bonding is skin-on-skin in nature. Fathers usually formed a secure attachment to their children by way of forming a sexual attachment to their child, usually their daughter, and usually in a connotational manner. Fathers were instructed by the religious authorities to follow the sexual thoughts to the end using masturbatory fantasy. Actual child sexual abuse was rare next to non-existent in biblical times, but when it did happen, it was seen as deserving of death, even in the New Testament, where the death penalty was abolished by Christ by Him experiencing it.

A good example is backed up by attachment parenting. Attachment parenting can instill attitudes of obedience when the parent in question also takes up an obedient attitude. Attachment parenting gives children a safe place to absorb the obedient attitudes of their parents. It will take time, but by the time the child is a teenager or young adult, they should have your values on obedience down pat. Most of the time, children act out in immature ways in their younger years, then grow up, usually starting in the teen years. If they are trying to undermine you, you are doing something very wrong. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!