Why crying is not bad behavior

All parents have had to deal with a child crying at some point. Most parents consider crying in children bad behavior past a certain age. This is a common stance amongst American parents. Most American parents punish crying behavior in children, thinking that the child is undermining the "authority" of the parent. However, most all children cry for the same reason a baby cries - they want love!

It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children as one would God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the wake of parental submission. Children are to rest securely in the presence of parents, following mothers especially around like a gosling to a mother goose. This word refers not to listening out of fear of punishment, but to listening out of secure attachment.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their child one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up this legal context in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.

Why do children cry? Children of all ages cry for the same reason a baby cries - they need love! Most behaviors in children that adults deem misbehavior are developmentally appropriate behaviors for children of that age or developmental level. When the behavior isn't age-appropriate, it usually is due to a developmental disorder such as autism spectrum disorder or ADHD, in which case we cut the child a break even further for their misbehaviors and crying fits. Most children, when they hit late childhood, switch to whining to communicate a vulnerable need, but some children don't. Crying and whining in children is communication, not defiance. 

Children, in biblical times, wore absolutely no clothing, at all, until they became adults. Women only wore clothing outside the home, otherwise going in the nude, in order to serve their husbands and their children, separately. Mothers served their children by way of providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely breastmilk and skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy, respectively. Mothers, in the home, co-snuggled with crying and upset children in the nude, in order to comfort and reassure them. When out and about, children up until age 6 were wrapped to the bosom of mothers with swaddling blankets. Children went naked for a reason - so that mothers could snuggle up and cuddle up their children when they were crying or upset.

How can the abovementioned context be replicated today. One can buy swaddling blankets online for children up until age 6. The idea is to wrap up the child to your bosom as a mother, and wear a shirt or blouse with a low neckline in order to provide optimum skin-on-skin comfort. When at home, and your child is crying, disrobe and invite them to throw off the clothing as well, then embracing them in skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy. Skin-on-skin comforting strategies should end crying within 1-2 minutes, in which case you can then talk to your child about what is wrong. Skin-to-skin contact between mother and child raises oxytocin levels in both the mother and the child, leading to a secure attachment between the both of them. Do this once as a mother, and you will know that doing this is what God intended of mothers all along.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!