Many parents feel entitled to being honored. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents want to be respected and honored. However, the fact of the matter is that honoring parents, in the Bible, means simply caring for parents as they age.
The Fifth Commandment reads in Exodus 20:12 KJV:
Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
This commandment does not mean that speaking against parents alone is sin. Instead, this commandment means that adult children should ideally care for their aging parents. This commandment exists because Ancient Israel had an elder abuse epidemic. However, children have the right to shun their abusive parents.
The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:
Children, obey your parents in all things: as this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment within the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for their children, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. Good works in parenting refers to doing good things for children, meeting children's every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46; 1Cor. 13:4-8.
The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were initially charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon.
Speaking against parents is the number one motive of punishment or punitive measures in parenting. Most parents punish their children for speaking against them. However, punishment of a child - for any reason - is prohibited in the Bible. The idea is instead to form a secure attachment with your child, which leads to children caring for you as you age.
Honoring parents simply means caring for your parents as they age, and only if they earned being cared for as parents. It is okay to shun a parent who was entitled or abusive. Most parents today are entitled, meaning they insist on respect when there is none to be had. Parents must earn the respect they hope to receive from children.
The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!
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