Pro-social self-loathing: Why self-esteem is a farce in parenting

Many parents in America want children to be humble and understated as adults. Most parents in America want their children to be humble and understated, especially as adults. There are, however, a growing number of parents who support promoting self-esteem in children. Many child advocates support teaching children to feel good about themselves. I do not, as an advocate, promote attachment parenting for self-esteem purposes. I have no self-esteem, at all. There is a way to use attachment parenting without making self-esteem relevant.

It says in Romans 3:9-12 KJV:

What then? are we better than they? No, in no wise: for we have before proved both Jews and Gentiles, that they are all under sin; As it is written, there is none righteous, no, not one: There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. They are all gone out of the way, they have together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one.

This passage was written to Roman Christians in the 1st Century. The Roman Christians were becoming prideful and boastful in their practice of Christianity, believing that they were the righteous ones just for being Christians. The Apostle Paul was convicting the Roman Christians of their original sin. Today, this passage is a reflection of how God feels about humanity. God hates us all as human beings, merely for existing in relation to Him. All human beings, by default, are marked for deletion merely for existing in relation to God. Only a few human beings will earn their right to exist in relation to God, with the rest of mankind being condemned to their fate which is the lake of fire and burning sulfur on their last day, and the flames of destruction on the very last day. This fate applies especially to adults, with all of us as adults deserving of nothing but DEATH and PUNISHMENT for our wretched existence in relation to children. No adult truly means well in relation to children, as we all as adults are fallen creatures in relation to- the Children that God protects. Only children have absolute promise of Eternal Life when they die.

What drives out our sin nature? Christian love, of course! The Greek root word denoting Christian love in the New Testament is αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to prioritizing your neighbor first, and yourself last, in terms of priority of needs. Love is not simply a feeling or action, but a state of being, where everyone else's needs come first, and your needs come last. True Love does not come from a place of pride or self-esteem, but instead from a place of conviction, where you come to the knowledge that you are a depraved and decadent sinner deserving of absolutely nothing, and thus you pay due penance for your sinful nature by serving your neighbor. Children, in the biblical context, were loved as a neighbor, not an enemy.

Pro-social self-loathing, in the form of Christian love, can make a good example for a child to follow. Children that grow up around humble and understated adults grow up to be humble and understated adults. The idea is to admit that you are a depraved and decadent sinner deserving of absolutely nothing in relation to children, and then submit to your child based on that conviction. Being convicted of your original sin models that attitude in children as well. Children do not learn how to loathe their sin nature by being punished, but by having that selfless and non-entitled attitude modeled to them. This example is backed up by maternal closeness and intimacy, including skin-on-skin co-sleeping and co-snuggling. Give children the warmth that they need, and they will take your attitude towards life.

Humility starts with your child. A parent or other adult is deserving of absolutely nothing from children. Know that even the slightest of anger towards your child is sin. Parents especially, but also other adults, should internalize and know that they are a depraved and decadent sinner deserving of absolutely nothing. Once you understand that your child owes you nothing, and that you are deserving of nothing from children, you will feel better about their upsets, outbursts, and other behaviors.

It is not good to believe you are a good person, as a parent or as a child, because that leads to entitlement when things don't go your way, or when you don't get what you want. Belief that you are a good person makes you not want to own up for your mistakes and sin nature. The more you believe you are a good person, the more you will feel immune to responsibility, and the more you'll point the finger at others when you actually should be pointing the finger at yourself. Believing that you are a good person leads to a deserving attitude that makes one a miserable person who always wants more, because "I am a good person, so I deserve what I want".

Pro-social self-loathing does not mean you or your child feels bad about themselves. It means you come to the conclusion that you are a depraved and decadent sinner deserving of absolutely nothing, and so you earn your good name by being of service to others, and from there, the more you are kind and of help to others, the better you feel about yourself. You don't need to praise yourself constantly, and neither does your child. Your child will take up this attitude once they see you doing the same.

I am a depraved and decadent sinner in relation to children, and I am deserving of nothing but DEATH and PUNISHMENT merely for existing in relation to children. I serve children by leaving them alone, as I have adult sexual self-interest in relation to them. I am a pedophilic adult and depraved and decadent sinner deserving of absolutely nothing from children, not even respect, not even forgiveness. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I must earn my respect from children like any good adult can, if they put their mind to it.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!