Hebrews 12:5-11: Why this is not a pro-spanking command

Many parents punish their children in America. Punishment is a common way that parents in this country deal with behaviors in children. Most parents who punish children do not get their parenting information from scientific sources, but instead from biblical sources. A common passage used to promote child punishment is Hebrews 12:5-11.

It says in Hebrews 12:5-11 KJV:

And ye have forgotten the exhortation that speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their pleasure, but he for our profit, that we may partake in his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

This is actually one of my favorite passages in the Bible...and it has nothing to do with parenting whatsoever. The Greek root word translated "scourgeth" is μαστιγόο (Latin: mastigóo) and refers, literally speaking, to the 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction. The Early Christians did not use corporal punishment to enforce law, with physical discipline only existing in a few marriages dotted throughout the Christian Church, and even that was frowned upon. The 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction, also mentioned in Prov. 13:24, was a form of judicial corporal punishment, which was repealed by the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. In Hebrew circles, the rod of correction carried a symbolic, figurative meaning, with such language being known as rod language. The 40 minus 1 lashes was intended as a summary sentence for a capital offense under the old Law, and if you lived to tell the tale by the end of the whipping, you received a second chance at life. Doesn't all hardship, if we endure it, give us a second chance at life? And that's how the Hebrew Christians would have understood this passage. The Greek root word translated "correcting", "chastening" or "chastisement" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to a specific Christian standard of discipline that is deserving of nothing, and grateful for everything, leading to being chastened up, including by hardships endured. The meaning of this passage is that hardship makes one stronger in the end, once endured, so endure it to the end and don't give up. God is whipping His children into shape by sending hardship their way, like only He can, and if it causes trauma instead, it didn't come from God, but from the Evil One. This does not mean human fathers should whip their children, as other parts of the Bible forbid it when understood in context.

The Bible does have legitimate passages on parenting, that actually have to do with parenting. They are few and far in between, but lift up a certain attachment parenting context. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, sacrificing for their children, just as Christ sacrificed for His children, with children resting in the sacrifice of parents as a Godhead. Parents are to sacrifice for their children just as Christ sacrificed for God and His Kingdom, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children too many times. Parents who punished their children, in biblical times, were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of offensive touch or speech stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding a child hostage merely for things they did wrong. Paul here was lifting up the Law for a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child. Paul, here, was educating Greek and Roman newcomers on proper Jewish parenting. The Early Church was simply another Jewish sect back in the 1st Century, and thus, Jewish parenting is relevant to Christian parenting today, as a shared teaching between Judaism and Christianity.

Attachment parenting was the established norm in Ancient Jewish culture, including the Early Church. The Early Christians and their Jewish predecessors used a specific, distinct form of attachment parenting that deified children. Children were worshipped and venerated by their parents as extensions of God, in biblical times. This had a very practical meaning, and that was that children could issue lawful and binding orders to their parents, as to what they wanted and needed. Children could take their parents to court even, and when that happened, the case was already decided - dependent children always prevailed in a court of law in biblical times. Parents were struck with reverent fear and terror by their child's vulnerability, with said vulnerability convicting the sinful heart of parents and other caregivers, and bringing them to a place of due penance in serving their child. Parents then knew that they were depraved and decadent sinners deserving of absolutely nothing in relation to children. See Matt. 25:31-46. 

Children in biblical times did not wear clothing, at all, until adulthood. Women only wore clothing outside the home, and otherwise, went in the nude to serve both their husbands and their children, separately. Mothers served their children by way of providing nourishment and sustenance, namely breastfeeding and skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy, for their children. The central focus of biblical parenting then was skin-on-skin co-sleeping, which was not just for infants - children up until age 10 or even older slept next to their mothers in biblical times. Children otherwise did not leave the side of mothers in biblical times until age 6, and when they did leave the side of mothers, didn't leave her line of sight. Fathers also nurtured children, but from afar, and only when the child consented, and the mother allowed. A child could give consent to interacting with his/her father, but the mother could veto the consent given by the child if the interaction was unsafe. Fathers usually were motivated by parent attraction to be closer to their children, and so the mother policed any close interactions with the child. Otherwise, the children were the mother's domain, and the father simply brought home the bread and stood watch for intruders. The main role of fathers was protecting his wife and children, and encouraging a religious education in his children.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast in to the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!