How to teach obedience to children - without spanking or punishment

Many parents want to teach their children how to be obedient adults. This is a common desire of most parents. Most American parents want their children to be obedient. The most common criticism of attachment parenting is that it doesn't "make children grow up to be obedient adults". The fact of the matter is that gentle parenting measures can teach obedience, if that is YOUR attitude towards life.

Love is obedience, and obedience is love. The Greek root word denoting Christian love is αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to prioritizing your neighbor first, and yourself last, in terms of needs, leading to dutiful and selfless submission to your neighbor, expecting absolutely nothing in return. True Love does not come from a place of pride or desire, but instead a place of conviction, where you come to the knowledge that you are a depraved and decadent sinner deserving of absolutely nothing, leading to the sinner paying due penance for their sin nature by engaging in good works towards others. Children are watching, and the more they see you submit to your neighbor, the more they will do so in due time.

Certain authorities are higher up, and need extra submission. This is the police, the government, the city, and so forth. For women, their husband is a higher authority. Obedience to higher authority is denoted by the Greek root word υποτασσο (Latin: hupotasso) and refers to loyalty leading to willfully yielding to the lawful commands of a higher authorities, not for punishment's sake, but because you want to and are loyal to said higher authority. See Rom. 13:1-4 and Col. 3:18.

What backs up this example? Punitive parenting just does not work, as it doesn't back up the Christian example of parents, but instead drives it away from them. Attachment parenting is the only way, as it is time-honored and time-tested as a form of dealing with children. It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, sacrificing for their children, just as Christ sacrificed for His children, with children resting as a Godhead in the family home. Parents are the enemy of children, just as mankind is the enemy of God, and are to be subservient to children just as they are to Him.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children too many times. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as a form of holding a child hostage merely for things they did wrong. Paul here was lifting up the Law for a group of Greek Christian parents who were bringing their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child. Paul, here, was educating Greek and Roman newcomers to the Christian Church, informing them of proper Jewish methods of parenting, namely attachment parenting. The Early Church, during the 1st Century, was considered a sect of Judaism, and thus Jewish parenting - which was attachment-based even then - was church tradition in the Early Church.

Children, in biblical times, did not wear clothing, at all, until they were adults. Women only wore clothing outside of the home, and otherwise, went naked in order to serve their husbands and their children, separately. Mothers in biblical times served their children by way of providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely breastfeeding (until age 3) and skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy. The key component of Christian attachment parenting is skin-on-skin co-sleeping, with the skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy leading to a secure parent-child bond.

How does attachment parenting teach obedience? As long as YOU as the parent take an obedient attitude towards life, your child will as well. Children will not become obedient right away, and should not be expected to be obedient from day one or even at any point during childhood. Children are observing your every behavior as an adult, and they learn by seeking to perfect the example of a parent or other adult they like and look up to. So, be that parent/adult that they like and look up to, and they will take on your attitude towards life.

In life, we as adults have to obey everyone around us, from the police officer to the janitor. We owe due submission to everyone in our lives. This right here is a good lesson to model to a child, and you impart an obedient example by loving your neighbor and obeying what they need from you. This also means presuming the best intentions in your neighbor, counting backwards by excusing your neighbor until you run out of excuses. This all is absorbed by the child through example, and does not need to be beaten into them.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast in to the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend in to the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!