Celebratory sexual abuse: Why some sexual abuse is celebratory in nature (abuser's firsthand account)

There are many ways that a child can be sexually abused. The most common way for a child to be sexually abused in this country is through narcissistic abuse, where the abuser follows a child crush that they don't want to acknowledge, and thus are driven by that crush to abuse a child sexually. However, some abusers are celebratory abusers. I myself was a celebratory abuser during the half of my life where I was an atheist.

When I was 16, I met a young girl who I liked. I assumed she was 12, like the last one that I liked and flirted with. I went up to her, asking for her number. She said "that's confidential". My intent was to invite myself over to her house, thus committing a precursor to summary harassment in my state. It turned out, she was 9. I was hooked, and so I kept flirting with her by waving at her, and she waved back. This went on for two summers.

Fast forward to a few years later. I ran into the same girl, and I looked at her and flirted with her. She said in a shaky voice "What do you want from me?". It was as if lightning struck me. I went towards the fence of the community pool where all the abuse happened, waiting for the police to issue the fine of $300 for summary harassment, bracing for the worst. They never came. Thank God!

Around the same time, I was in the attic with my cousin. I then wrestled her onto the bed, and got on top of her, while we both had clothing on. It was a form of antisocial "rough-play", meaning I engaged in childish rough-play with her for the most insidious and sexualized of reasons. That was reported to the police, and now me and my children's rights platform were under investigation. I committed summary harassment, by the strict legal standard, and for that offense, the statute of limitations has passed. Thus, there is no justice for my victim. I'd just pay the fine, regardless of any self-interest of mine otherwise, but I can't, because we abusers have rights under the law. 

Today, all of this behavior is in violation of my Christian purity standards. The Greek root word denoting lust in the New Testament is επιθυμέω (Latin: epithumeo) and refers not merely to sexual desire, but to sexual desire to the point of taking the first steps to approach a child for sexual or flirtatious reasons. Once the child perceives the approach, it becomes fornication, as denoted by the Greek root word πορνεία (Latin: porneia).

I, as an adult, am a depraved and decadent sinner deserving of absolutely nothing from children. I wanted things from children for so long, yet claimed to defend them like a defense attorney. In order to truly defend children, you need to put your own self-interests away, and want nothing from children. I am truly wicked and depraved in my sin nature, and am to hate that sin nature for what it is capable of. I am deserving of absolutely nothing from children, not even respect, not even forgiveness. I am only deserving of everything hateful and resentful from children, and am not deserving of anything good or caring from children. I am an entitled wretch deserving of absolutely nothing from children, or anyone for that matter. I have to be this way, because I celebrated the abuse of a child by flirting inappropriately with a child.

I will always be a depraved and decadent sinner deserving of absolutely nothing. Never will I deserve anything from anyone. I am grateful for the forgiveness I receive from my victims, as I don't deserve any such forgiveness.