How to raise obedient children - without spanking or other punishments

Many parents want their children to be obedient and compliant. This is a common goal for parents in American parents. Most parents want obedient children, to some degree. I might be an anti-spanking advocate, but my conservative Christian beliefs value obedience to all higher authority. I support the concept of obedience completely, yet know that punishing children does not teach obedience - it drives children away from it.

It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, sacrificing for their children, just as Christ sacrificed for His children, serving a Godhead which is children, with children resting securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Attachment parenting was the established norm in biblical times. In Ancient Israel, attachment parenting was mandated by way of Jewish customary law. In the Early Church, attachment parenting was mandated under church ordinance. This Greek root word lifts up the attachment parenting context, for the relevance of all. This word refers to a form of secure, safe rest where children give back to parents later on, corresponding with the modern concept of secure attachment.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral stature prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any form of punishment and controlling demeanor from a parent towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children too many times. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with the charge of "kidnapping" being defined as any damages or offense stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding children hostage for things they did wrong. Paul was lifting up this historical legal context to a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. No such custom existed among the Early Christians as an established custom, as Christian parents in the 1st Century preferred to use attachment parenting strategies, including skin-on-skin strategies, to gain cooperation from their children.

Mothers were primarily charged, in biblical times, with the care and protection of children. Biblical mothers did not strike or punish their children to gain cooperation from them, but instead used skin-on-skin strategies as part of an attachment parenting regime in order to gain cooperation from children. Mothers in biblical times would engage in skin-on-skin co-sleeping, co-snuggling, and co-mingling, meaning children got a lot of skin-on-skin time with mothers, particularly in their younger years. Children up until age 6 never left the side of mothers, and children older than that never left the line of sight of parents. Children in attachment parenting homes, especially those that were in the Bible, are cooperative and compliant, even when parents don't expect them to be. Children cried whenever they needed something, but that was because they trusted in parents that they would not be punished for being vulnerably honest about their need - a child who is vulnerably honest about their needs cries a lot when they need something.

What does this attachment parenting lead to? Obedience and loyalty to parents, meaning being kind and caring towards children in an attached way leads to children giving back to parents come young adulthood. This is a specific type of obedience where you have warm, fond feelings for your parents, leading to trusting them to know what is best for you, and then you automatically do as they say, out of pure instinct. This happens when you have a responsible parent that doesn't punish you and isn't controlling or overbearing with you. When you feel you can trust a parent, you naturally want to obey them. From there, parents can tell teens and young adults who to obey, meaning instill in them that they should also obey all higher authorities except when their Christian values tell them otherwise. 

Children will obey all higher authorities at a parent's instruction, but they have to know that parents are trustworthy enough to feed that information to them. As a parent, you should always instill in older children and teens especially that there are certain figures in life that they should always obey, unless they make a direct order to violate the Christian values they were raised in (in which case they should endure the penalties therein). 

The only way for children to grow up to be this obedient is if parents earn the trust of their children by way of seeking to create a secure parent-child bond where children can rest in the warmth and love of parents, without fearing any sort of punishment or controlling demeanor from parents. Skin-on-skin strategies in particular create cooperative and compliant children. Children shouldn't be expected to be compliant off the bat, but instead, parents should win over that response from children by being their friend and snuggling and sleeping next to children in skin-on-skin format. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!