"Honor parents": Why the Fifth Commandment is not an excuse to demand respect

Many parents believe that the Fifth Commandment commands them to demand respect from children, and commands their children to respect them. Children in America are expected to keep the Fifth Commandment, and if they don't, they are punished for disobedience. The fact of the matter is that the Fifth Commandment only prohibits elder abuse, and only in the case of an adult child being the perpetrator. Apart from that, respect for parents is earned, with the burden of proof falling on the parents.

It says in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

This commandment clearly refers to elder abuse, when understood in context. Elder abuse would have already been seen as entitlement leading to theft, but there had to be special laws in place to protect parents from abuse. The reason for the laws was that parents in Ancient Israel were blamed for their own abuse. The common thing that parent victims of abuse in Ancient Israel were told was "where did they learn that behavior?". The parent protection laws consist of the Fifth Commandment and all other commandments intended to protect parents from abuse. "Do not strike parents" means do not repeatedly beat them. "Do not curse parents" means do not place a gaslighting curse onto them, meaning any airborne gaslighting of a parent is sin in the context of the Old Testament. Today, the relevant laws and legal definitions concerning elder abuse apply as an understanding as to how to apply the Fifth Commandment.

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, sacrificing for their children, just as Christ sacrificed for His children, with parents prioritizing children first, and themselves last, with children resting in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Attachment parenting was the established norm in Ancient Judeo-Christian society. In Ancient Israel, attachment parenting was mandated under Jewish customary law, and in the Early Church, attachment parenting was mandated under church ordinance. This Greek root word lifts up the attachment parenting context, for the relevance of all. This commandment refers to a form of secure rest in parents that leads to giving back later on.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor from a parent towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children too many times. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as any damages or offense stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding a child hostage for something they did wrong. Paul was lifting up this context to a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. No such custom existed among the Early Christians as an established norm, as Christians in the 1st Century preferred to use attachment parenting strategies, including skin-on-skin strategies, to gain cooperation from children.

Children went naked in biblical times, wherever they went. Women also went naked, in the family home, to serve both their husbands and their children, separately. Mothers served their children by providing nourishment and sustenance, namely breastmilk (until age 3) and skin-on-skin comfort strategies. By day, children ranged next to mothers, sometimes clinging to her, otherwise with children being held with swaddling blankets or else a papoose bag. By night, children slept next to mothers, being guarded from all predators and threats external and domestic, soaking up the rays of skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy. Children cried when they needed something, and parents obliged, never getting angry, being incapable of parent anger. The cries of children of all ages were seen in the same light that most people today see infants when they cry.

Mothers, in biblical times, were the adults primarily charged with the care and protection of children. Mothers then did not strike or punish their children to gain cooperation from children, but instead used skin-on-skin comforting strategies to form a secure parent-child bond with their children, thus gaining cooperation. This included skin-on-skin co-sleeping, skin-on-skin co-snuggling, and skin-on-skin co-mingling. The result? Children remained within the line of sight of parents, with children up until age 6 never leaving the side of mothers. Children in attachment parenting homes are cooperative and compliant, even when parents don't expect them to be. Usually, parents in an attachment parenting home don't expect their children to show respect, but they do anyway, and in that case parents are to be grateful. Respect for parents was a concept in biblical times, but respect was based on closeness - meaning a close and secure bond - with parents, and not fear of punishment. 

Respect for parents in biblical times led adult children to obedience and loyalty to parents. Obedience, in the biblical tense, towards parents, is giving back as a response to all the times parents gave things to you. Starting in the young adult years, in biblical times, adult children instinctively listened to and heeded instruction from parents, trusting them at their word that parents knew what was best for them. Obedience is a very deep, special bond with a child that leads to them trusting your word at face value, not questioning anything you say to them. Children might also do kind things for you as a parent, such as take you out to dinner and then pay the tab (that's what I do with my mother). Anything involving giving back to parents is true obedience. Obedience is not fearing punishment from parents, as then most children simply hide things they did wrong from their parents. True obedience is honest, meaning you admit to your parents when you did something wrong, knowing you will be forgiven. Confessing your sins to your parents should be like confessing to a pastor or priest. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!