Hebrews 12:5-8: Why this is not a pro-spanking verse

Many parents think that they have the "divine right" to punish their children, oftentimes thinking they have a duty to punish their child. Most parents in America believe that they have a "God-given duty" to punish their children. One text often quoted by parents is Hebrews 12:5-11. However, this verse is not a pro-spanking verse.

It says in Hebrews 12:5-8 KJV:

And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as sons: for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, than are ye bastards, not sons. 

The Greek root word translated "scourgeth" is μαστιγόω (Latin: mastigóo) and refers literally to the rod of correction. The rod of correction was a switch that a father wielded against an adult descendant who was convicted of a capital offense in Ancient Israel. This image was being used as symbolism for life's hardships/ The Greek root word translated "chastening" and "chastisement" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to a specific standard of Christian discipline based on an attitude that is entitled to nothing, and grateful for everything, leading to a chastened up state where one can endure anything. The teaching to the Hebrews was that God disciplines His children by sending them hardship, and if you can get through hardship, you become stronger and more resilient.

The rod being referred to here is the rod of correction, an instrument of legal correction that was used to impose the 40 minus 1 lashes as a summary sentence for a capital offense. The way it worked is that an offender that was convicted of a capital offense was sentenced to enduring 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction, and if they lived to tell the tale, they had a second chance at life. Doesn't all hardship work the same way? Don't we all go through rough patches in life, with enduring them with a non-entitled attitude making us stronger? This is not a parenting command, but a general Christian tenet to endure the world, because God uses elements in the world to test your strength. It can be applied to parenting in terms of understanding where stressors come from spiritually, and then finding a way to endure them - God made children the way He did so that parents can be tested, and if they endure the test, they grow alongside their children. Fathers chastened up their young sons in biblical times by encouraging non-entitlement in them as a religious vocation, meaning just because Scripture here mentions a father chastening his son does not mean it is okay to use violent or controlling discipline.

There are actual parenting verses in the Bible. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, sacrificing for their children, just as Christ sacrificed for His children, serving a Godhead which is children, with children resting securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Attachment parenting was the established norm in Ancient Israel. In Ancient Israel, attachment parenting was mandated under Jewish customary law, and in the Early Church, such parenting was mandated under church ordinance. This Greek root word lifts up the attachment parenting context, for the relevance of all. This word refers to a form of secure, safe rest in parents where children give back later on, as young adults, corresponding with the modern scientific concept of secure attachment.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child. coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor from a parent towards a child. Punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, for punishing their children too many times. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offense stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen then as holding a child hostage for things they did wrong. Paul was lifting up this historical legal context to a group of Greek Christians that brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. There was no such established custom among the Early Christians, as all punishment or punitive parenting of children was strictly prohibited, as Christian parents preferred to use attachment parenting as a means to raise up their children. Christians in the 1st Century were persecuted largely because they were too "soft" on their children, and Christian parents made no attempt to hide their attached strategies as parents.

Children went naked in biblical times, everywhere they went. Women also went naked, in the family home, to serve both their husbands and their children, separately. Mothers served their children by providing nourishment and sustenance, namely breastmilk (until age 3) and skin-on-skin comforting strategies. By day, children ranged next to mothers, sometimes clinging to her, or else being wrapped to her bosom in swaddling blankets or held to her back in a papoose bag. By night, children slept next to mothers, being guarded from all predators external and domestic, soaking up rays from skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy.

Mothers in biblical times were the primary adults charged in the care of children. Biblical mothers did not strike or punish their children to gain cooperation, but instead used skin-on-skin comfort strategies to gain cooperation from children. This included skin-on-skin co-sleeping with children. Respect for parents was a concept in Ancient Judeo-Christian culture, but it was based on closeness to parents, not fearful obedience of parents. Skin-on-skin strategies in particular were used to form a secure parent-child bond with children. Children never left the line of sight of parents, and children up until age 6 never left their mother's side. Children generally stayed close to parents instinctively, also heeding limits and boundaries set by parents instinctively. The only time children didn't heed limits is when they didn't understand what was being asked of them, due to immature brain capacity, and parents excused those instances because they were children.

Children gave back to parents by being loyal and obedient to them as an elected choice, once reaching young adulthood, giving thanks to their parents for the kindness and warmth bestowed upon them by parents. Adult children were expected to be obedient, and parents could reel them in, in the Early Church by cutting all contact. It is a warm and familiar form of obedience, where you listen to parents because you trust their word and trust that they know what is best for you. Only adult children were expected to obey, and even then, they could shun their parents as well if their parents were abusive. Children were simply expected to need things from parents, in which case parents obliged.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger by way of punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!