Pro-social skin-on-skin: Why these strategies help gain cooperation from children

Many parents believe that the way to gain cooperation from a child is to punish them. This is a common mistake American parents make, and they usually cite the Bible. The fact of the matter is that parents in biblical times did not use punishment or any other controlling measure to gain cooperation from children. Parents then instead used skin-on-skin attachment parenting strategies.

Attachment parenting was the way of biblical parents in the original context. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, sacrificing for their children, just as Christ sacrificed for His children, serving a Godhead which is children, with children resting securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers resting securely in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Attachment parenting was the established norm in Ancient Judeo-Christian society. In Ancient Israel, attachment parenting was mandated under Jewish customary law, and in the Early Church, such parenting was mandated under church ordinance. Attachment parenting is lifted up by this Greek root word, for the relevance of all.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor coming from a parent. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children too many times. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, in which case "kidnapping" referred to any damages or offense stemming from hostage-taking. Paul was lifting up this context to a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. There existed no custom of child punishment or other punitive parenting among the Early Christians. The Early Christian church communities prohibited any child punishment or other punitive parenting. Christian parents then were persecuted in broader Greco-Roman society for being too "soft" with their attachment parenting strategies. Christian parents in the 1st Century favored attachment parenting strategies of the skin-on-skin variety to obtain cooperation from children. 

Children went naked in biblical times, wherever they went. Women went naked as well, in the family home, in order to serve their children and their husbands, separately. Mothers served their children by providing nourishment and sustenance, namely breastmilk (until age 3) and skin-on-skin strategies. By day, children ranged next to mothers, sometimes clinging to her, or else being held to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets. By night, children slept next to mothers, being guarded from all predators external and domestic, soaking up the rays that is skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy with mothers. 

Mothers were the primary adults charged with the care and protection of children. Mothers used skin-on-skin comforting strategies in order to gain cooperation from a child. Respect for parents was a concept in biblical times, but parents did not demand reverent respect from their dependent children, but instead aimed to create a close and secure parent-child bond with children. Respect for parents in biblical times was based on closeness.

Children up until age 6 never left the side of mothers, with older children rarely leaving the side of mothers either. When mothers took their children out and about, they held their children close to their bosom with swaddling bands, and close to their back with a papoose bag. Children in biblical times were cooperative, and didn't listen only when their brains couldn't process a request from a parent. Children cried a lot, but crying was seen as a child communicating their needs, not a child "undermining" parents. Usually, when children needed something, they'd cry to their parents, and their parents would do their best to provide.

Skin-on-skin comfort and closeness, including skin-on-skin co-sleeping, creates a bond with a child that lowers the level of attachment to equal level, so that mothers especially could better relate to their child, meaning relate to the child on the level of the child. Mothers in biblical times used skin-on-skin strategies with even older children, right up until the age of majority in some cases. Prolonged closeness of this sort raises quiet, cooperative children who don't make much of a fuss except to cry when they want a glass of milk. The crying is because children feel safe and at home with parents, and so they communicate vulnerably with parents. 

As an advocate, I would recommend as much skin-on-skin time as possible. Maybe the child wants to play in a more free-range way, in which case you let them, but then you invite them to snuggle with mothers or hold the hand of fathers. Most children, if done from day one, will choose skin-on-skin time with mothers, meaning they will stay latched onto mothers until they are ready to assert their independence, which usually happens around ages 6-8. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!