Respect in parenting: Why it should be based on closeness and not fear

Most parents want respect from their children. This is a common complaint among adults - that children don't have enough respect. Parents seem to want respect in the form of fear and reverence, meaning they want to "instill fear" in their children. The fact of the matter is that the Bible commands closeness to parents, not fear of parents.

Attachment parenting was the way of the ancients, meaning the way that children were raised in biblical times. The Bible lifts up the attachment parenting context. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, sacrificing for their children, just as Christ sacrificed for His children, with parents serving a Godhead which is children, and with children resting securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Attachment parenting was the established norm in Ancient Judeo-Christian society. In Ancient Israel, attachment parenting was mandated under Jewish customary law, and in the Early Church, under church ordinance. This Greek root word lifts up the attachment parenting context of the Bible.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any form of punishment and controlling demeanor from a parent towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children too many times. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping after enough incidents were documented, with "kidnapping" referring to any damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in the Bible as holding a child hostage for things the child did wrong. Paul was lifting up this historical legal context to a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. No such custom existed among the Early Christians, as the Early Christians shunned all violence, including family violence. The only exception was mutual accountability between spouses, which was rare next to non-existent, and also a frowned upon practice. Wives were subject to the law of their husbands, whereas children were not under anyone's law, either that of God or that of their parents. Parents kept the Law for their children until their children were ready to keep the Law on their own. Punishing a wife using force or control was frowned upon, and only legal with consent given from the wife in the marriage contract. Striking or punishing a child at all was unlawful, meaning because children were smaller, they were seen as more deserving of protection.

Children went naked in biblical times, wherever they went. Women also went naked, in the family home, as a means to serve her husband and her children, separately. Mothers served their children by way of nourishment and sustenance, namely breastmilk (until age 3) and skin-on-skin strategies. By day, children ranged next to mothers, sometimes clinging to her. By night, children slept skin-on-skin next to mothers, with mothers guarding the child from any predators both external and domestic, with children soaking up the rays of skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy. Mothers gained cooperation from children by way of skin-on-skin strategies such as skin-on-skin co-sleeping and co-snuggling. 

Parents in biblical times set their short-term goals not to fear or obedience in children, but closeness to children. Parents then sought to create a close and secure parent-child bond with their child, with bonding and closeness being the goal and aim of biblical parenting. Mothers were primarily charged with the care and protection of children, and they gained cooperation from children using skin-on-skin strategies such as sleeping next to children in skin-on-skin fashion, and allowing children to cling onto mothers in skin-on-skin fashion. Both parties - mother and child - were nude while in the house. When mothers left the house, children were held against the mother's bare skin by way of swaddling blankets or a papoose bag. Children, in response, were very compliant and stayed close to mothers, with children up until age 6 never leaving her side. Older children played freely, but never outside of the line of sight of parents, with mothers being the main adults charged with supervising children. Parenting was close in biblical times, meaning parents weren't hard to reach, but instead were right there when you needed them

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of God is at hand!