Parent anger: Why it needs to go NOW (parenting in biblical times)

Many parents think that it is okay to get angry with a child. This is a common belief among parents - that sometimes you have to "get angry with them" in order to "get through to them". This is a common mistake that American parents make. The fact of the matter is that the Bible commands that parents eliminate anger entirely, at least over time.

It says in Matthew 5:21-22 KJV:

Ye have heard that it was said of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.

This passage prohibits getting angry outside of proper channels. The proper reasons for getting angry are for righteous judgment purposes, meaning offenses and damages imposed on your person, property, or effects by other adults. Apart from cross-examination in a court of law, it is a moral crime to get angry at all, for any non-judgment reason. Children, under the Law in biblical times, could not be prosecuted for criminal offenses or civil wrongs that they committed. Getting angry at a child then was not received well by society, as it was seen as imposing undue and undeserving legalism onto a target that didn't understand what was happening.

It says in Matthew 5:38-39 KJV:

Ye have heard that it was said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: that whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.

Parents in biblical times resisted resorting to any sort of anger whatsoever when dealing with children. Parents instead took a passive approach to parenting, where children took leadership as to what their needs were, allowing and even incurring children to demand and even give orders onto parents. Sometimes, children yelled. Sometimes, children screamed. Sometimes, children hit. All were met with passivity and non-violence.

Parents in biblical times were incapable of parent anger, meaning the vast majority of parents harbored no anger for their children at all. As an adult with such a complex, you are self-conscious as to what you say around children for another reason - you don't want to offend them or make them mad at you in any way. When they are mad at you, you blame yourself immediately, and can't bring yourself to blame the child. Children, at worst, simply tire you out, at a low level, and at the end of a whole day with children, you simply sleep good. The child can do no wrong, and all limits that need to be set are set lightly, and with the understanding beforehand that the child may not be able to understand how to follow the instructions from parents. In biblical times, anyone who merely could harbor anger towards a child was seen as a viper and a monster, meaning people then didn't understand such parents and didn't want to, and chalked it all up to sadism.

Think cowering. Think shaking and quaking. Think words scrolling from up above. A child's wrath should be that powerful and fearsome, and also frightening, when you provoke a child to anger. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in the context in which it was given, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards children. Patrias potestas translates from the Latin as "power to the father" or else "power to the parent", and refers to the right under Roman law for a father to use force as he saw fit to police his home. No analogous law existed under the Judeo-Christian law of the time. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting for punishing their children too many times, with the scofflaw parents being charged with kidnapping. Kidnapping then meant any damages or offense from hostage-taking - punishment of children was seen as holding them hostage for things they did wrong. The Apostle Paul was lifting up the moral legal context to a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. No such custom existed among the Early Christians, as Christian ordinance then prohibited any form of punishment or controlling demeanor. What the Greek Christian parents were doing was bringing Greco-Roman customs into the Christian church, whereas the Christian church of the time opposed such punitive parenting vehemently, seeing it as abhorrent and horrid. The goal of parenting, in the short term, in terms of discipline, was to set a good example and, also, to avoid the wrath of children as much as possible. Offending a child, meaning making them upset at you at all, was seen as a grave moral offense in both the Old and New Testaments. Children were seen as wrathful and demanding, with parents having to tow the line to keep children happy and pleased.

How do you not get angry with a child? Usually, we get angry when we try to change something that we feel helpless about. The idea is that, in parenting, a parent needs to accept the helplessness and wallow in sadness. This means that you should allow yourself to cry and feel vulnerably hurt when your child is uncooperative or defiant. Also, parents should practice doing the opposite of what their parent anger tells them to do. If you feel like lashing out in anger at a child, stifle that anger, and imagine burning in Hell or some other aversive stimuli when you even express that anger. Then, you should eventually come to the point where you are not angry with your child at all. What helps is idealizing your child with statements such as "he/she is like God to me". When a child is like God to you, you don't even question the needs they state. Deal with any trauma by way of admitting that your parents harmed you in punishing you, and then explore childhood memories.  

Children in biblical times were seen as the boss of their upbringing. The parent didn't lead parenting - the child did. Children bossed parents around, and gave orders, and parents followed orders like waitstaff. Parents never got angry at their children, and this was because parents were incapable of such anger. They literally could not bring themselves to be angry with their child. It is not good to get angry with your child at all. Very few of us have a special personality that harbors no anger towards a child. I say "harbors...anger" because I can't get mad at a child for any reason. I just find reasons to blame myself when a child is upset with me. I could set a boundary if I had to, but if they didn't follow it, I'd assume they didn't know what I meant. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!