Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context: How it applies today

Many parents think they have the right to demand respect from children. This is a common form of child abuse that parents commit, which they justify using the Fifth Commandment to honor parents. Honoring parents in biblical times, particularly the Old Testament, meant something very specific, and not a vague command allowing parents to pretend to be God.

The Fifth Commandment states in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: so that thy days may be long in the land the LORD thy God giveth thee

This refers not to simple back talk or opposition of parents, but to actual elder abuse. The Fifth Commandment was the prelude to the parent protection laws, with "do not curse parents" referring to a gaslighting curse - adult children used to send their parents on their merry way. "Do not strike parents" referred to, in practice, repeatedly beating parents, with each incident clearly documented. Testifying against your own child in Ancient Israel was a shameful affair. Elder abuse was not at all common, but when it happened, most people rushed to the side of the perpetrator, excusing his or her behavior with statements such as "Where did that child learn to behave that way?" Very rarely were children convicted of elder abuse, and even then, none actually were put to death. Elder abuse today, as defined by state laws, is covered by the Fifth Commandment, meaning simply having "a smart mouth" is not elder abuse. Elder abuse is far more serious than a child talking back. It is an ADULT child taking advantage of their aging parents, with the aging parent usually feeling powerless over their own child.

The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting relationship is Christian Agape love for children, as denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, to the point of dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, with children resting safely and securely in the good works of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents does not come from fearful compliance, but from restful trust in parents, with children feeling safe in telling parents anything and everything that is on their mind, including admissions of wrongdoing or non-conforming traits, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal in return. Children, in this loving and affirming environment, learn to take after parents, wanting to be like parents, then following the example of children. Children will not honor the example of parents right away, as they cannot be reasoned with on the level of an adult, with children engaging in childish behaviors that may annoy the parent, but not the child or anyone else. Children do not fully follow the example of parents until they are young adults - the example peeks out early on, but doesn't fully show in the child until young adulthood.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, under biblical law, at minimum, is defined as the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. In this commandment, the Apostle Paul is lifting up the Law against punishment and controlling demeanor towards children, rebuking Greek Christian parents for bringing their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. Christian parents of Greek origin were misusing Proverbs to justify their punishment habits even in the 1st Century, when this passage was written. Paul was warning parents in the Colossian church that Proverbs is simply wisdom literature - a list of wise sayings - and not a parenting manual. The rod verses in Proverbs - all seven of them - are repealed verses, and have nothing to do with raising a child. They instead refer to the ancient, archaic legal practice within Judaism where fathers were court ordered to issue 40 minus 1 lashes as a form of judicial corporal punishment of their ADULT child that was violating the law to the level of a criminal offense. The punishment was intended simply to warn an ADULT child that death is imminent if they re-offend. This punishment was closely linked to the death penalty in the Old Testament, and the death penalty was a shunned institution in the Early Church. The Early Christians enforced the Law using pro-social non-association, as a individual collective unit.

All the Fifth Commandment means to a minor or dependent child is rest. Parents do all the labor and good works for their children, and children rest in it, not having to work at all for the love of their parents. Children do not even have to love their parents back, and it is recommended that they don't, as love requires labor.

This rest in parents is one where the child is not made to worry. They don't have to worry about behaving in just the right fashion. They don't have to worry about pleasing their parents (parents please their children). Children can simply shout or bark orders at parents, and parents are the ones that have to worry about serving their child, not the other way around.

Children rest as extensions of God (see Matt. 25:31-46), giving lawful and binding orders to parents, resting on their throne, not having to worry about a thing. The chain of command in true biblical parenting is applied in first-to-last fashion, meaning children order their parents around as representatives of God, and parents merely serve God, meaning their child, by seeking to please their child and keep him/her happy. 

Children were deified in biblical times, and were idealized as "gods" and "goddesses". Children were seen as imperfect extensions of God, with them being loved for their imperfections, not despite them. Children could order parents around, issuing lawful and binding orders. Children rested on their throne, worrying about nothing, being pampered by parents. Children were shown the same respect as a good Christian would show God, fearing and revering children as having such divine status.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!