Independence: Why this was the goal of every biblical parent

Many American parents go by the biblical adage "spare the rod, spoil the child" when discussing their parenting goal. They want a child that is obedient to authority blindly, when not all of authority in the world is well-meaning. Only God's Authority exists eminently, and God's Law is above the law of the land. God helps those who help themselves - but first, children need to be helped in a way that enables them to shake you off as a parent when they are ready.

The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting relationship is Christian Agape love for children, which is denoted in the New Testament by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself last as a parent, to the point of dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, resting safely and securely in the good works of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents does not come from fearful compliance, but instead comes from restful trust in parents, with children feeling safe in confiding in parents anything and everything that is on their mind, including admissions of wrongdoing and non-conforming traits. This word implies attachment parenting, lifting up the Judeo-Christian customary laws commanding attachment parenting of children. Both Jewish and Christian law included customary law not just allowing for attachment parenting, but commanding it.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, as defined under biblical law, at minimum, is the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment, in context, was understood as prohibiting all forms of punishment and controlling demeanor towards children, with the Apostle Paul simply lifting up the Law on theft and kidnapping prohibiting punitive parenting. This commandment was intended to rebuke Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. Greek Christian parents were misusing the book of Proverbs even then as an excuse for their own punishment habits. Paul was explaining that the rod verses instead refer to the 40 minus 1 lashes that were intended to warn an errant ADULT child that they were about to be put to death. This legal practice was intrinsically related to the death penalty in the Old Testament, so much that the two could not be separated. The Early Christians shunned the death penalty, and so they shunned the 40 minus 1 lashes as well. Customary law in the Early Church commanded a secure parent-child bond through attachment parenting methods.

Attachment parenting is like providing a safe place for children to cling to before becoming fully independent and functioning adults. Children rarely left the side of mothers until age 6 in biblical times. Children ranged next to their mother by day, with both mother and child in the nude when at home, and children being in the nude all the time. Children, by night, slept next to mothers. Children were close to mothers and fathers, slowly asserting their independence.

Children were kept close to parents, and were heavily supervised, until they shook their parents off in terms of closeness, asserting their independence. In which case, parents allowed children to prove themselves. Children were allowed to develop naturally in biblical homes, and so adulthood came earlier, by the age of 13 in the case of both boys and girls in the Early Church. In Ancient Israel, girls instead became women at age 12.

The first step of gaining independence was shaking off co-sleeping, and then children tried to prove independence to their parents by doing all sorts of things on their own, including religious studies. An adult, in biblical society, studies all of the Law and came to a conclusion as to how to apply it. Most children started shaking off their parents starting at age 6, but were supervised closely still until the age of majority, while at the same time being allowed to play freely.

Society in biblical times did not favor blind obedience, but instead independence and self-reliance. A child was not expected to be self-reliant, but instead was given freedom while being supervised. God helps those who help themselves. Parents in biblical times did do things for their children, yes, but only until children insisted on doing those things by themselves, in which case they were supervised while doing what they wanted independently. Children were instructed for later the value of hard work and not relying on your neighbor for a handout. Some children could not be independent even as adults, and so the church picked up the tab, stepping in with Christian charity.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!