How to deal with aggression in children (understanding childhood mood disorders)

Many parents think that children with aggressive tendencies need more strictness and structure. This is a common misconception about children that comes from false and abusive "Christian" doctrine. The fact of the matter is that children with aggressive tendencies need LESS structure than the average child, due to the mental health diagnoses associated with aggressive tendencies in children.

The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting relationship is Christian love, which is denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao). This refers to Christian Agape love for children, namely prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, with children resting safely and securely in parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents does not come from fearful compliance, but from restful trust in parents, with children telling parents anything and everything that is on their mind, including admissions of wrongdoing and non-conforming traits, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal in return. In this loving and affirming environment, children naturally take after one parent or both (usually the parent of the same sex), wanting to be like parents, then following the example of parents. Children may attempt to follow the example of parents from early on, but children struggle with self-control and self-regulation, which is to be expected given a child's immature development. Children can be expected to naturally act in a childish way, then trying to follow the example of parents, then falling down, then getting up again. Children usually do not listen to instructions because they cannot perform the task due to their immature brain capacity. Children don't cooperate and follow the example of parents until young adulthood in most cases, sometimes even later.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, under biblical law, at minimum, is defined as the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. In this commandment, the Apostle Paul was lifting up the Law against punishment and controlling demeanor towards children, rebuking Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. Christian parents of Greek origin were misusing the book of Proverbs to justify their punishment habits even in the 1st Century, when this passage was written. Paul was warning parents that Proverbs is simply wisdom literature - a list of wise sayings - and not a parenting manual. The seven verses that depict the rod do not have anything to do with raising children, but instead was an archaic legal practice within Judaism where a father was subpoenaed to issue 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction to an ADULT child convicted of a capital offense, as a warning that they would be put to death if they re-offended. This form of punishment was rare, and the connected execution even rarer, with many death sentences recorded in the Bible never carried out. The 40 minus 1 lashes was never carried out in the Early Church, with law enforcement in the church instead coming in the form of pro-social non-association (see 1 Cor. 5:11).

Aggression is common in children with mood disorders, including bipolar disorder and major depressive disorder. A good way to deal with this aggression is by vulnerability tactics, meaning pro-social punching bag and pro-social crying. This means parents submit to the blows from an aggressive child, and then bring themselves to cry instead of get angry. The reason for this is that crying shuts off the aggressive instincts of a child. The idea is to accept that you are completely cornered and helpless, and then express this in a vulnerable way, allowing the onslaught to occur, and then with the onslaught being stopped by the crying of the parent or similarly charged adult.

Children with manic issues in particular are very high energy, in an out of control and disorganized manner. Ideally, in a school environment, they should be given an excuse to go home on medical leave, as bipolar disorder in particular is a physical ailment of the brain, and this physical ailment in the brain makes it harder for a child with the active disorder to function in a structured environment like school. 

Children with aggressive instincts and/or high energy need LESS structure, not more. These children are blaring reasons why parents should not have any expectations for children, but simply should state their preferences now and then. The only way out of these behavior cycles is medication. They aren't a "bad" child at all. They simply have an physical ailment of the brain that needs medication in order to heal and recover from being out of control their whole life. Until medication can be found, all that will work is setting aside a place, preferably the family home, where children can be themselves, run around, knock things over, and then the parent just cleans up afterwards. They need a more relaxed schedule, meaning overscheduling can be a huge issue for a child with these issues. Just leave them have the autonomy they demand, while keeping them safe in the progress. 

They may harm themselves or others, in which case it is good to intervene enough to keep everybody safe. However, they act out less when listened to and validated the first time they lash out. The idea is to turn the other cheek with these children, and bear the brunt of their wrath (see Matt. 5:38-39). Cry, with the hope that they will want to reassure you - they are more scared than you are in that aggressive moment, as they are having a fight-or-flight reaction to the word "no", which feels like the end of the world to them. The less emotional self-control a child has, the more they are going to react to adverse experiences that adults take for granted, and a child with a mood disorder is completely emotionally dysregulated. This is why a child with mood disorders would lash out at an adult. They do not want to take advantage of you. It is a self-harm urge so strong it comes out as aggression against the parent, and parents just have to take it and appear less menacing.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!