Children lying: Why children lie

Many parents think that children lie just because "that's what children do, so we punish them for it". This is a common mistake among parents. The fact of the matter is that children lie because they fear getting punished. So, why punish them at all?

The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting relationship is Christian Agape love, as denoted in the New Testament by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao), and refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, with children resting in the safety and security of parents, without a worry in the world. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents does not come from fearful compliance, but instead comes from restful trust in parents, with children confiding into parents anything and everything that is on their minds, including admissions of wrongdoing and non-conforming traits, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal in return. A healthy child who does not have trauma from punishment will tell parents everything that is on their mind, and then they might let a few accounts of wrongdoing fly out, knowing they will be treated with grace and forgiveness afterwards.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, as defined under biblical law, at minimum, is the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment, in context, prohibits all punishment and controlling demeanor in children, deeming it kidnapping. The Apostle Paul here was rebuking Greek Christian parents who were misusing the book of Proverbs to justify bringing their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. Paul here was warning Christian parents in the Colossian church that all seven verses in Proverbs that mention the rod are repealed verses, and refer to an ancient, archaic legal punishment inherent to the Old Testament context - the 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction, as a final warning before putting a lawbreaking ADULT child to death. This punishment was closely related to the death penalty in Ancient Israel. Those harsh punishments were abolished by Christ on the cross - He endured them so that mankind didn't have to anymore.

Why do children lie? They fear punishment. When parents punish their children, they don't solve behavioral issues, but instead cause children to hide their behavioral issues. A healthy child does not lie when a parent confronts them about something they did. Instead, it just comes out, and they spill the beans.

Child victims of abuse DO lie, in fact, but in order to protect abusive adults, and not to "get adults in trouble". This is because they fear retribution from the perpetrator. Punishment serves the same purpose in a child's life - it is hostage taking that forces a child to do things the parent's way. The child will then do things their own way anyway, but will hide it.

Children in biblical times were not punished. Instead, parents used attachment parenting methods to keep children honest, by keeping an honest dialogue and, more importantly, fostering a secure parent-child bond. Such a bond was built by skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy. Children ranged next to mothers by day, and snuggled next to her by night, with mothers comforting their children in their bosom when they were upset or tired, with both mother and child completely naked when in the home, or with children  snuggled next to mother in swaddling blankets when out and about. Children told biblical parents everything, occasionally letting fly something bad that they did, and then they were rewarded on their honesty. This is because of the secure parent-child bond that was commonplace in Hebrew and Christian homes in the biblical context. Children were deified in biblical times, and had the authority to order parents around legally as to their needs, with parents being a servant of God through their child.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!