The importance of a parent-child bond

Many parents think that children need to slavishly obey them. This is a common belief among American parents. Most parents in the United States believe in punishing children and "keeping them in line". The fact of the matter is that the most important part of a Christian parenting relationship is a secure parent-child bond.  

The root of all biblical parenting is Christian love, as denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to putting children first, and parents last, in a convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents does not come from fearful compliance, but restful trust in parents, with children telling parents anything and everything that is on their mind, including admissions of wrongdoing, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal in return. Attachment parenting was the established norm in Ancient Israel and the Early Church. Think a Christian mother holding pales of water, with a young child wrapped up next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, and an older child strapped to the back of the young mother in a papoose bag. Boil over, then safe, then store. That was the parenting then. That was how children rested in parents.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. This refers to the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, stemming from entitlement. In this commandment, the Apostle Paul was lifting up the Law on punishment and controlling demeanor towards children. Punitive parents were dealt with severely in biblical times, with punitive parents being put to death in the Old Testament, and with such parents being excommunicated from their churches in the New Testament. The Apostle Paul was warning against the misuse of the book of Proverbs to justify punishment and controlling demeanor towards children, which was happening even then. The seven rod verses in Proverbs are repealed verses, meaning that they are only relevant to the cultural and legal context that they were given to. This is because the verses refer not to any "biblical spanking" but to the 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction, which was an archaic form of judicial corporal punishment imposed on ADULT children who committed a capital offense, as a last warning before being put to death. MINOR children could not be whipped or punished for anything, as whippings required a criminal conviction, and minor age was a defense under Jewish law. The Apostle Paul was, in fact, anti-spanking, and also anti-punishment for children, and supported attachment parenting.

Mothers and fathers had different roles in biblical times. Mothers were charged with providing nourishment and sustenance to their children, meaning breastmilk and skin-to-skin closeness. Children went naked wherever they went, with the level of attachment in mother being brought down to equality, with mothers "growing up with" their children. Mothers snuggled with their children in the nude, bonding with them in skin-to-skin format. Fathers merely hung out with their children, playing games with them at their level. Fathers had connotational parent attraction with their children on the level of "sun tan spray". However, sexually abusing a child for any reason was seen as wicked and evil then. Fathers instead put their children on a pedestal, speaking gleefully of them in baroque, flowery language. The immediate goal of every biblical parent was a secure parent-child bond...This context may be dated in some ways, but is applicable today, with some tweaking perhaps.

What is the answer to creating a parent-child bond? Spend time with your child as early as possible, snuggling with infants and young children in the nude, engaging in skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy. Children up until age 6 never left the side of mothers in biblical times, and after age 6, children clung to mothers quite a bit as well, as well as hung out with fathers. Fathers encouraged their children's religious education, which was largely self-directed.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Many will be called to be Christians, but few wil be chosen by God, due to the widespread epidemic of punishment and abuse towards children. Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!