Children lying: How to deal with dishonesty in children

Many parents have to deal with children lying. Children do lie, but most parents do not understand why children lie, and so they think it is a part of their nature. Children do have a flawed nature, but lying is not a symptom of that flawed nature. Lying comes from a punitive mindset in a parent.

Children do lie about abuse, but in the reverse - they lie to protect their abuser. Investigative interviewers at child advocacy centers (CACs) have to pry into the child's perspective and worldview, asking grilling questions just to get out the facts, and quite tragically, oftentimes only rape elicits testimony from a child. Now, no child has ever hid anything from me, with all children instinctively telling me whatever is on their mind, bossing me around half of the time, with me being shy and compliant to their demands - and that is how ALL adults should relate to children.

Lying in children can be solved with Christian love for children. That means putting children first, and parents last, to the point of dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return, leading to secure and safe rest in parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in everything: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This is a form of restful respect based out of trust for parents, meaning children tell parents whatever is on their mind, feeling safe telling parents anything and everything under the sun to parents, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal from parents. In biblical times, children felt safe and secure enough around parents to be naked in front of them, bringing them to an equal level of attachment.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or speech, with this stemming from entitlement. The Apostle Paul here was lifting up the Law on punishing children, rebuking a group of Greek Christians in the Colossian church who used corporal punishment while justifying Scripture. Punishing a child under the Law carried severe penalties, and was seen as worthy of death, especially in the Old Testament where punitive parents were hung like poultry in a bloodletting manner. The rod verses in Proverbs are repealed verses, meaning all seven of them. They do not refer to spanking, but to a dated form of judicial corporal punishment closely conflated with the death penalty then - the 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction, as a final warning before putting an errant ADULT son to death, usually for crimes against the state or crimes against children. Adult children were rarely whipped for dishonoring parents, and if they were, it was for clear elder abuse. Minor children could not be whipped for any moral crime due to the fact that they were seen as not being able to stand trial. In the Early Church, including among the Hebrews, corporal punishment was absent, and any Christian who took part in an execution and/or a public flogging were immediately excommunicated from the church. Punishment enables lying, as children lie to evade punishment, and when lies are discovered, it leads to more punishment.

What is the solution to lying in children? A secure parent-child bond, meaning a secure bond with one's child where children run TO parents, not away from them, and run to them in order to confide in them and tell them anything and everything that is on their mind. 

Parents should also be their child's confessor. This means a child should trust you enough as a parent to be able to confess into you something they did wrong. Parents should reward and reassure the honesty in children, without punishing them or issuing harsh consequences. If you punish a child once when they admit something wrong they did, you will feel the need to punish them for not only the infraction, but hiding it with dishonesty.

Children should be raised without any sort of punishment or control, with that including imposed structure. Children should be able to absorb, on their own, right from wrong. Punishment removes any sort of cooperation, meaning children pretend to cooperate, but hide the fact that they aren't listening and instead are rebelling. Then, they lie, because that's what gets them out of trouble. The idea is to impart the Living Example of Christ onto them, being a role model to them in that regard, and have them absorb moral lessons on their own, taking up your exemplary influence at your own pace. Children may not understand certain instructions because they are too young developmentally, in terms of brain size and shape, to understand what instructions they are being told. In such cases, you don't punish them, but let go of the fact that they won't listen until they are older, and keep them safe from their own actions by way of supervision and logical consequences (ex. moving them from a busy street or hot stove, putting up a baby gate, babyproofing). 

In Ancient Israel and the Early Church alike, parents gave their children immense freedom, while protecting them at the same time. Children were allowed to tell off parents, and order them around, and parents simply surrendered to the orders of children, giving in and giving up. Most were incapable of anger towards a child, including fathers, with fathers having connotational sexual attractions to children. Children were allowed to go naked everywhere they went, and children felt safe snuggling next to mothers, who also were naked in the realm of the family home. Children showed all to parents, and told them everything that was on their mind, including even hurtful things that parents turned the other cheek when hearing, or else crying when at the end of their rope. Parents were seen then by children as tools to use to get what you need, and that's what parents are for under biblical teaching - use, like dragging a ragdoll around.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!