Zero expectations in parenting: Why children don't need rules

Many parents believe in rules for children. Most parents in America believe children should have rules. However, the Bible indicates differently - children don't need rules. They need a good, disciplined example in relation to them from parents.

It says in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, for this is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to a specific standard of Christian discipline in parents in relation to children, namely one that is entitled to nothing, and is grateful for everything, especially in relation to children. Parents owe everything to their children, and with children owing nothing in return, with this forming a chastened up example in the parent for the child to follow, backed up by the occasional advice and guidance, as denoted by the Greek root word νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to a righteous test in parenting where the parent states the word "no" or its gentle variant, and when the child does not follow directions, it is assumed that the child is not developmentally capable of following the directions given, in which case you keep the child safe and/or do what they didn't do for them. This is all weighed by the Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages, meaning the slightest of personal offense, including the slightest of offensive touch or contact. This commandment was intended to emphasize love for your neighbor towards children, with children being your neighbor. None of the rod verses in Proverbs and Hebrews refer to spanking as we have it today, as the "rod verses" refer to the 40 minus 1 lashes administered as a last resort before putting an ADULT child to death. Minor children could stand trial for criminal acts or civil wrongs that they committed, and a criminal conviction was necessary for a whipping. Legal penalties for punishing one's child were very severe in ancient Israel and the Early Church, with the offense punishably by death by bloodletting (hanging up parents like poultry) in the Old Testament, and excommunication from the Christian churches of God in the New Testament. Punishment of children in Hebraic circles was seen as pure witchcraft, with Paul writing to a group of Greek Christians who held onto the pagan custom of spanking errant children. Greco-Roman parents were very harsh parents, whereas Hebrew and Christian parents were complained about in the Roman Empire for being "soft" on their children.

There has to be something to motivate them to follow the example of parents. Parents are to place their child's needs above their own, to the point of dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every need, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting securely and safely in the love and grace of parents, with this rest being denoted by the Greek root word υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo), which refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the care and protection of parents. Attachment parenting was the norm in ancient Israel and the Early Church both. Think a mother holding pales of water, wearing head-garb, with a young child wrapped up next to her bosom with swaddling clothes, with an older child in the nude in tow next to her mother, with the mother gathering water to cook dinner and to drink. This was how parenting was in ancient Israel and adjoining churches. Biblical parenting was primitive parenting.

Children don't need rules. They need the Living Example of Christ, meaning a loving, charitable example that is Christ-like in nature, imparted onto children. Christ sacrificed for His children, and Christian parents are an extension of Christ in the family home, serving God through their children, with children learning love and charity through an example imparted onto them by Christian parents. Forming a secure bond with your child should make them want to be just like you, and think of you as a friend to emulate, and whatever values you impart in your example, they will follow and take after.

When children have rules imposed on them, they cannot reason with themselves as to what is moral and what isn't. Punishment and imposed structure make children dependent on certain fail-safes to know what is right or wrong morally. A criminal, by definition, is an individual who, as an adult, needs to be punished and controlled in order to function in society without harming others. This is why many criminals beg to go back to prison, and may commit crimes with that ulterior motive. A criminal likely had a very structured childhood, and became dependent on that structure on a cognitive level. Criminality is a cognitive impairment caused by punishment and structure in parenting. Children need to find their own way in learning morality, following the example and guidance of parents. They likely will end up following your values anyway, if you lovingly invite them to follow your values as a parent by not punishing them and forming a secure bond with them, holding them close, sleeping next to them, co-mingling with them with swaddling clothing. Or, just spend quality time with your child, being their mature, more responsible friend.

Children were allowed, in biblical times, to develop as is, meaning without adult interference apart from the occasional warning that something they wanted was unattainable or unsafe, as a righteous test. Children were given no structure in a way that they could form their own structure and self-discipline, at their own pace. Mothers nurtured, and fathers encouraged, with fathers being best friends to children, usually motivated by sexual attachment, which is actually a sign of relating to a child as an equal. Children learn by example, with that example involving children being treated the way parents want children to treat others, with the same Christian love that they want children to heed to once they are older.

Parents in biblical times cried when their children were angry and rejecting to them. At the end of a Christian parent's rope then was a ball of tears. Biblical parents used direct vulnerability tactics to deal with defiance and aggression in children, to bring out the heart in one's children. Some children are that aggressive that they are brought to tears, and those children existed in the biblical context. We are referring to a child with mood disorder.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death, prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss that is the Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!