Pro-social listening: Why reflective listening is best for children

Many parents believe their role is to give orders and instructions to parents. This is a common attitude of parents in America, due to our long-standing false belief that spanking is in our traditions. It isn't. Children need reflective listening from parents.

Every single parent and adult is guilty in relation to children, and is deserving of DEATH and DESTRUCTION merely for existing in relation to children, with parents/adults being meek and shamefaced in relation to children, silent and shut up at the child's cue and consent. Parents especially are to prioritize their child's needs above themselves to the point of dutiful and selfless submission, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, with children resting in the love and grace of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This means listening and validation on the part of the parents, with children expressing vulnerable emotion, and parents listening and validating. Reflective listening is restating the gist of what children confide into you, in order to make sure you are listening, and to them to know you are listening. Think pales of water gathered by a mother from a desert stream, with a child wrapped up in swaddling clothes next to the mother's bosom, and a naked school-age child of about 8 in tow, with the mother wearing head-garb while holding her young child to her bosom. That was it was with the Early Christians, and how they raised their children. The modern equivalent? A young child crying at home, the floor being a mess, with the child then being wrapped up in swaddling blankets fresh from the dryer, with the young child being held close at home, and two girls running with just a shirt on and nothing else. Children then went up to parents, relaxed in just their shirt, venting about their day at school, crying and being reassured by parents...This is how God wants you to parent your children.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) refers to the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of unwanted touch, with this commandment being intended by the Apostle Paul to prohibit all punishment and control in parenting. the Law itself long forbade punishing or controlling children as kidnapping, which was a capital offense. However, Greek Christians in the Colossian church, among other churches, misused the book of Proverbs to justify their pagan custom of spanking children. The seven verses in the book of Proverbs depicting the rod of correction are repealed verses, as they reference a dated form of judicial corporal punishment unique to the Old Testament - the 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction. Only ADULT children got whipped, and only as a summary punishment for a capital offense - and never in the Early Church. Striking or rebuking your neighbor outside of court was illegal under the Law (see Matt. 5:21-22), and minor children under the age of majority could not be taken to court for any reason, as they were assumed not to be able to form the level of entitlement necessary for a moral offense to be rightly perceived, which requires foreknowledge of the Law, which is assumed to be absent in anyone under the age of 18 in today's society, but was 13 in the Early Christian society. Wherever the age of majority stands is where you can presume moral legal competence in children, by my denominational beliefs, which are Anabaptist in nature...You are not to exchange with your child, but to care for them and protect them, as a caregiver and not a lawgiver.

Reflective listening is a tool used by therapists to help understand better what their clients need. The idea is to restate, in a reassuring way, what the issue is, restating the gist of what the child wants, both to make sure you heard right what they really want, and to reassure them that you are listening and not simply tuning them out.

Example of reflective listening

Child: I hate school. I know I am going to get a big fat F on my report card.

Parent: So you are concerned about your grades? What makes you think you are going to get an F?

Child: Everything's so hard, and confuses me.

Parents: I had trouble in one class - math - and I flunked a lot of math courses. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Reflective listening REFLECTS what the person being listened to is saying TO THEM in order to demonstrate, as the listener, that you in fact are listening. Parent leadership under biblical law confers that parents be good listeners, and learn to listen to their children more than talk to them, or at them to be more precise about the child's perceptions. Young children will cry, and may need something physical in terms of reassurance, such as swaddling blankets fresh out of the dryer.

The depraved and entitled parents and adults who provoke children to anger through punishment and control will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death, prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the Hell of fire and torment, which is God's Wrath being imposed upon His creation, forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!