Wants and needs: Why they overlap

Many parents go by the old adage "I give you what you need, not what you want". However, what is a need in relation to a want? Many parents do not know what their child need, and most don't care. They will tell you this upfront. A want is usually a need, in so many words.

Proper imparting of needs is based on the teaching of mutual surrender. It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to rest and trust in parents, just as adults believers rest and trust in the love and grace of Jesus Christ. Replace "obey" with "trust" and you get a roughly better translation. It is a special kind of trust that is borne out of maternal sustenance and warmth, leading to respect and honor for parents later on. It comes from parents righteously giving into the every petition and demand for needs and a redress of grievances, with needs including even benign wants, such as candy in the checkout line of the grocery store - it comes from YOU, so it is a need, and they will thank you for being so gracious later. Children in biblical times were raised with attachment parenting, meaning parents, especially mothers, had a secure parent-child bond with their child, being their child's best friend, snuggling and sleeping next to them until adulthood, with parent and child engaging in intense closeness.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to provocations to anger imposed upon children by adults, meaning all offenses against children, with "offense" being defined as the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul to prohibit all forms of punishment and control in parenting, including spanking and other forms of corporal punishment. This commandment was delivered at the gate of the Colossian church in order to rebuke Greek Christian parents for their tradition of spanking children, which was brought into the church. Corporal punishment of children was protected under the Roman legal defense of patrias potestas which is Latin for "power to the father" or "power to the parent" in today's post-feminist world. The Early Christians, and their Jewish predecessors, did not recognize that legal defense, and excommunicated all punitive parents, once discovered, usually for kidnapping, due to the hostage-taking nature of punishing children.

Children need what they need, but it is a myth that needs and wants are separate. The two are intertwined like a rope. Most wants from a child petition a need or a redress of grievances. A child engaging in attention-seeking behavior simply needs loving attention, and the more attention they receive, the less the behavior will occur - it is a distracting, warm type of attention, and it does NOT reward bad behavior (nothing does). Children in ancient Israel and adjoining churches got most of what they wanted, no matter how rude or brash their demands were. Children would run aground their parents until their needs were met, and appeasing children was seen as a way of appeasing God.

Children were seen as extensions of God in the Early Church, meaning children were the authority over their needs, and directed largely how their needs were imparted and what they needed, with parents tip-toeing and following suit, reverently afraid of their child, not wanting to provoke their child to anger at all. Every want was seen as evidence of a need. A child cannot have everything they want, but that fact does not necessitate "benign" deprivation. Simply find something else that fills the void, inferring the need behind the want, which is usually YOU. Take them for a walk or scenic drive to distract them, or have a nice conversation with them (particularly if they are older). When demanding unreasonable and unworkable wants, they need YOU because that is where the wants come from. Their whole world, from day one, centers around YOU. Punishment simply alienates them from you, and makes them more prone to peer pressure. If they have one or two good friends at home, they won't need peers at school to listen to.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into a Hell of fire and torment, enduring God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!