The word "no": How to use it wisely

Many parents say "no" frequently. The word "no" is a favored word for many parents, if not most. Most parents use that word to corner their child victims. The word "no" is to be used sparingly in a proper Christian home, meaning every once and a blue moon. Otherwise, it stays in your toolshed, and you compromise with your child.

It says in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, as this the first commandment with promise; That is may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: bur bring them up in the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to a "warning", meaning setting limits with children. This rarely means the spoken word "no", meaning parents can compromise with their children, and make a deal. An example would be a child who wants to go on a scenic drive "the governor closed the roads, it's not safe". Notice we eliminated the word "no". That word is a disconnecting word, so substitute it whenever necessary, and offer a second-to-best option whenever possible "We can take a walk in the snow and talk". Every request serves a function, meaning it meets a need, so find the need behind the request, and make an offer based on that need. With smaller children, give all applicable choices you can think of as alternatives to the declined request, and if they point out another viable option, go with that - options aren't intended to limit the child's options, but to avoid choice overload. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to Christian discipline, meaning the attitude of entitled to nothing from children, but grateful for the every joy they bring you. Taking the attitude that you are not entitled to anything from children cleanses you of any anger or aggression towards them, detoxifying the soul of a parent. You aren't deserving of anything from a child, so you feel no urge to control them or punish them. This attitude of non-entitlement centers you. Children owe you nothing in return for your love and providence for them, and so you don't demand, and not demanding anything becomes your habit. This attitude should be modeled to children, imparted to them as the Living Example of Christ. The Greek root word weighing all of this translates the phrase "provoke...to wrath" and is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to a provocation to anger imposed on a child, meaning moral offenses against children, as defined as the slightest of offense perceived by a child. The inspired pen of the Apostle Paul, as in Col. 3:21, intended vs. 4, in the first stanza, to prohibit all corporal punishment and other forms of punishment or control, which was allowed under Roman law, but not the Jewish law that Christianity is based off of, meaning the Law had no defense for that sort of parenting choice. Corporal punishment in the Bible only existed in the Old Testament, and only as a sentence for crime, with fathers being accessories of the court, and the whipping being imposed on an ADULT child, in a courtroom and not a family home. Christ suffered the death penalty and corporal punishment in order to abolish it. The Early Christians were not allowed to view or participate in corporal or capital punishment under Roman law.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure rest and trust in the love and grace of parents, just as adult believers rest and trust in the love and grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. Replace "obey" with "trust" and you get an idea of what Eph. 6:1-3 means. This command is written aside to parents until their children reach adulthood and come of age. This trust is an honest form of trust that involves open communication, meaning children can tell parents whatever is on their mind, meaning anything and everything under the sun, and parents just listen and validate, without imposing punishment or reprisal for the "wrong" disclosure. This word refers to secure attachment, as children in biblical times were raised in an attachment-parenting environment, meaning children up until adulthood co-slept at night with mothers in the nude, and children up until age 3 were seen as infants. The "terrible twos" were seen as simply a baby crying out for love. Child nudity was seen then as a sign of a child's vulnerability, and also a way to flag sexual threats to children for all to see, with children rarely leaving mother's side when leaving the house. Children were told "no" rarely, and usually, parents sacrificed everything to please their children, being run aground by their child's every need, rejoicing in their self-crucifixion. 

The word "no" is a disconnecting word, and is only to be used in an urgent situation, such as in a situation where the child is at risk for death or serious bodily injury, or else is playing in an unsafe situation. When giving a decree of "no", show your benevolent intent by listening to and validating the child's tears. 

Don't say: "Stop crying"

Say instead: "I understand that you wanted that bicycle, but there's no money"

Some children cannot understand the fact that "there is no money", in which case you say to them "I apologize for not being able to give you what you want in the way you ask" as a swift, well-meaning apology, and reassure your child every step of the way.

The depraved and entitled parents who punish their children for not listening to "no" will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!