Sustenance parenting: The level of surrender a child should have in relation to parents

Many parents want their children to surrender to them, usually in a "peaceable and orderly" way. This is possible, but not by punishment. True child submission to parents is on the sustenance level. What is sustenance parenting? Maternity at the lowest level, fatherhood at the encouragement level. By encouragement we mean loving, gentle encouragement, not harsh or corrupting encouragement.

It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to warmth and rest in the love and grace of parents, just as adult believers rest in the love and grace of Jesus Christ, with parents being loving and giving extensions of Christ in the home. Parents in Judeo-Christian society had a friendship with their children on the sustenance level, meaning children objectified their parents as milk machines and vending machines, with children using their parents for mere sustenance, perhaps with mothers co-sleeping and cuddling with even older children in the nude, into adulthood. Children in ancient Israel and adjoining churches were needy and demanding in nature, with the lawful and binding demands of children putting parents in full and dutiful surrender to their children, showing Christian love by way of their Christian sacrifice for their children.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and literally refers to "stirring up" upset and resentment in children, as in "stirring the pot" with your child's emotional welfare. This refers to offenses against children, meaning the slightest of offense perceived by the child, including physical and other punishments towards children, as punishment of children at all was considered kidnapping, with kidnapping referring to offenses against the person of a hostage-taking nature. The Apostle Paul was uplifting the Law for Greek Christian parents who were very punitive with their children, as mainstream Greco-Roman parenting relied heavily on corporal punishment and other punishment and control in their parenting. Paul would have none of it, and gave the command for parents not to provoke their children to anger, and meant it as a command prohibiting spanking, corporal punishment, and other punishment and control. Corporal punishment did exist in the Old Testament, but only as a form of judicial corporal punishment where fathers were accessories of the state towards their ADULT children, with a whipping being a once-in-a-lifetime event in any locale in Israel, and was administered as 40 minus 1 lashes in a courtroom, not the home. Striking one's child outside of a courtroom, or a minor child for any reason, was a violation of Jewish law, and the commandment in vs. 21 repeats this Law explicitly to gentile audiences

Mothers were the source of all respect for parents in ancient Judeo-Christian culture, and were the sustenance for their child's every need, being used like a tree that bears fruit, or a cow that gives milk. Parents are there for their children. Fathers are also there for a reason - loving, gentle encouragement, mainly in following the Law, which then was peeking your child's curiosity about matters of faith and law, and then having a conversation about the Law, usually starts at age 6. Parents are there, and that's all a child should feel at home. Parents are there at the disposal of the child's needs, like a wastebasket for the child's every worry and upset. 

Respect for parents looks like a mirror when systemized. The more parents give, the more they get, like a mirror. A child's respect should mirror the selfless sacrifice of parents, meaning if a parent vows not to strike a child, a parent should not be struck, but otherwise, if you strike your child, expect your older child to still be hitting you like a 2-year-old. Minor children cannot be expected to show respect. Parents must give it first. A 2 or 3 year old strikes out at parents for two main reasons - lack of self-control, lack of communication, and so you cut them a break. The idea is to cut children that same break until age 18, and usually, even before then, they are convicted to treat a parent with respect who was nothing but nice and kind to them, meaning a parent who showed respect to their children first. This conviction usually happens naturally, in response to the respect shown by the parent to the child. Some children are the exception, meaning usually those with a mood disorder, and they strike out to communicate stress when they drop their words due to a rage attack. Parents should simply live with it and bear the brunt until the child can be put on the right medication. But, even then, the more respect you show, the less your child beats you up. The idea for when a child beats you up is to take it and not resist, and allow yourself to cry at the same time, as tears from a parent stops the behavior, and then of course they are sorry for the damage done because they just switched back to normal.

Gentle, attached parenting is not about molding your child into what you want them to be, but molding yourself into what you want them to be, and not being a hypocrite as a parent. If you want your child to sit quietly through a 3 hour church service, you must first show discipline of that degree to them in terms of self-control, and not lash out at them in a way that discourages them taking after your disciplined example. But, in order to get a child to want to be like you, you have to feed them and nourish them when they are young, and surrender to their demands. Self-control then means not flying off the handle when your 7-year-old is screaming at you for making them peanut butter and jelly with the wrong kind of peanut butter, in which case you should apologize meekly and shamefacedly and commit to doing better as a parent.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke not your children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death, which is Satan's final resting place! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!