Forgiveness: Why forgiving parents isn't necessary

Many pro-spanking parents demand our trauma survivors forgive their parents. This is a common statement among pro-spanking parents and their advocates, and is a toxic one. Forgiveness is a Christian command, but forgiving everyone for everything is dangerous, and Christ never intended forgiveness to be portrayed that way.

It says in Matthew 6:14-15 KJV:

For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

The Greek root word translated "trespasses" is παράπτομα (Latin: paraptóma) and refers to offenses perceived of your neighbor. This passage meant in context that when someone is deserving of forgiveness, forgive them, and anyone who has fully atoned for their sins against you by your perception, including your parents, are people deserving of forgiveness. "Honor parents" simply meant give back to parents when they are gentle and attached, and salute them for their kindness and charity as a young adult.

Legal forgiveness is the biblical tradition. Anything perceived as offensive as a child can be a reason for righteous unforgiveness towards parents. It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to earned respect, in the form of closeness. Parents were safe people for children to express themselves and be themselves in their presence, as ancient Israel and adjoining churches were attachment parenting cultures. Respect then meant closeness to parents, not reverence or fear. If a child was not close to their parents, and rebelled to the point of striking parents, abuse was suspected of the parents, meaning when children rebelled in public instead of in private. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to "stirring up" negative emotions in a child, referencing the Jewish adage of "stirring the pot", meaning offending the child in any way, meaning the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child. This means parents who offend a child can be shunned, legally, by said child. Shuns can include speech bans or disowning one or both parents, during a divorce or when moving out from home and leaving the nest. With younger children, righteous unforgiveness involves rebellious behavior that emulates how parents rebel against the needs of their child, and punish them, meaning getting back at parents.

I forgave my abusive parents, but only because they deserved it. Otherwise, I would have had the right, under my religious beliefs, to hold a grievance against them until they apologized, or else I could go to the grave with it and not worry. Wanting nothing to do with parents is very understandable if your parents are nothing but trouble. My parents apologized, and became our parents, so I experienced both types of parenting - gentle and punitive. Gentle parenting is how to get across to me, especially in listening mode. I shun any parents that defend punitive parenting, at all. My Christian beliefs call for me to be an attached parent to children, meaning detached given some of my issues with pedophilia.

Legal forgiveness comes with the presumption of innocence beyond a reasonable doubt. However, that is for me, the bystander, so I don't make a mistake, meaning a miscarriage of justice. If you were offended or burned by parents, you have rights in God's court of law, by way of your own perception, which is law under biblical law.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Divorce parents, and send them to Hell! Repent, dear parents, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!