Exemplary discipline for children: Why a child's first role models should be their parents

Many parents want their children to have discipline. Usually, a parent wants to punish their children or otherwise control them. The fact of the matter is that when you punish a child, you break the bond needed to teach them. A child needs a good role model. A child's first role models are their parents, for better or worse, but usually for worse in this country.

It says in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, for this is the first commandment with promise. That it may be well with thee, and thou may live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to the chastening of the Lord, meaning discipline that reflects Christ's sacrifice for children. In Christian homes, parents are to have a sacrificial example, meaning be a giving extension of Christ. This means basically giving to children in a sacrificial way, modeling disciplined behavior for children instead of disciplining them through punishment or control, showing a giving countenance replicating that of Christ, attending to the needs of children. It is a calm countenance, but one that listens to children and validates with a friendly nod and gesture, much like Christ was the listening type. Christ also warned people, but without punishment, and the Greek root word for "admonition" states this, with "admonition" being translated νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers here to a divine warning, meaning not punishment, but simply a warning, usually stated as "no" or its various variants such as "that won't work". Usually, a warning such as "no" is given for unsafe behavior, and the idea is not to mean it afterwards, and do a righteous test as to what instructions a child would comprehend, meaning many common instructions given to younger children are things that they cannot comprehend, meaning they can say "yes" but then not have the level of self-control to listen to parents on an issue, so you try to teach them to do it safely, or keep the child safe. This is all weighed by the Greek root word παροργζο (Latin: parorgizo) which is translated "provoke...to wrath" and literally translates to "bitter anger" and refers to the moral count of provocation to anger, meaning here the slightest of personal offense perceived by their child. Vs. 4 is a direct command from God through the Apostle Paul not to spank or punish a child, with Paul's target audience being Greek Christians who brought in their Hellenistic traditions of corporal punishment, which was rejected completely in Hebraic circle, instead favoring attachment parenting.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest and trust in the care of parents, with parents expecting absolutely nothing in return. This word ultimately uplifts the traditional Judeo-Christian parenting context in the Bible, which was attachment-based, in policing format. Child nudity was legal and accepted in the biblical context, and that was so mothers could snuggle with their young child in the nude, and breastfeed them, treating children with skin-to-skin contact as a means to bond with children, and earn their respect later. Policing attachment was the preferred form of secure attachment in ancient Israel and adjoining churches, and involved children demanding their every need to the point of issuing orders to parents, but with parents not taking anything personally and listening to the child's needs. It is allowing yourself as a parent to be a safe person for a child's demands, leading to children giving demands in policing fashion, usually in the form of getting most everything they ask, if they ask hard enough, unless it is completely unattainable or unsafe. With policing attachment, a parent doesn't just say "no" because they are tired, but do things anyway for their child, despite being tired and groggy, being a righteous slave to their child. Children usually give back when they are older in some way. The idea behind policing attachment is that the request to go out to eat 3 times a day is an attachment need, and that would be ritualistic in a child with autism. Policing attachment isn't just listening to your child, but listening to them without question, because you never know why they want something. It might be linked to you, in terms of attachment. Hebrew and Christian parents did not question the demands of their children, and supplied them accordingly.

Policing attachment serves a purpose - to gain trust to further an example to a child. The idea is to sacrifice for them so that they want to take on that sacrificial example, and treat others well with it. Parents are selfless because that leads to selfless, empathetic children. But, an example is best passed down by vulnerable warmth and trust, not punishment. That means allowing your child to police you as to their needs, and then that is the only area that they will rule your life. The concept is that you DON'T understand your child, as parents and other adults have a depraved and entitled sin nature in relation to children, so you go by trial and error, making it right as you get to know them. This sort of parent-child friendship makes children more likely to take after their parents. A child with autism is more than often treated this way by parents, whereas there are a lot of typically-developing children that "autism parenting" would work for, and we call that gentle parenting or attachment parenting. I believe perhaps every child should have an IEP, as every child is an individual.

Discipline in a family home is for the parents, chastened up by the child's demands. A child is not to be disciplined, meaning molded like clay. You mold yourself in relation to your child. Discipline means molding, and that should be done in the Lord by parents, not pushed onto children.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger by way of punishment, discouraging them from a Christian example, will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!