Independence vs. obedience: Why to teach independence (and how to - the biblical way)

American parents seem to all want children to be obedient and compliant, oftentimes blindly. Many parents in the United States think parenting is about getting children to listen, when in reality, it is about getting children to be as independent as possible, over the long run, and that is how parents in biblical times saw things.

Independence is fostered by parent compliance with the Fifth Commandment, which is written to parents and not minor children who are exempt from prosecution. It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children, lest they become discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) literally translates to "rest under", and refers to secure, vulnerable rest and trust in the love and grace in the love and grace of parents, with children being themselves, with their energetic demands being directed towards parents (pro-social pedophilia, pro-social siphon), with children playing their way or no way in relation to parents, meaning in their line of sight, owing absolutely nothing in return to parents. The Greek root word translated υπακουο ultimately refers to the parenting context in terms of custom under the Law, meaning in this context attachment parenting. Children up to age 3 were treated like infants, meaning swaddled to the bosom of their mother, and breastfeed up until age 3 or perhaps even older. Child nudity was legal everywhere in the biblical context, in both the Old and New Testament, and was legal in order for mothers to have skin-to-skin contact. Skin-to-skin contact early in life leads to more independence later in life. Children were exuberant and rambunctious in range of parents, in a clinging manner to parents, demanding things from parents, but being very resilient away from parents, being able to get around obstacles in life, and make a new life for themselves as young men and women. Parents were to sacrifice for their children just as Christ sacrificed for His children, taking up the cross in spirit of Christ taking up the cross for His children, teaching one's children by Christian example, just as Christ set a good example for His children, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting in such grace. This Christ-like tenets of good parental behavior apply today.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and translates literally to "stirring up" anger, resentment, or upset in the children, referring to the Jewish adage of "stirring the pot" with your child's emotional welfare. This was a direct command from God, through the Apostle Paul, legislating a spanking ban in the Colossians Christian community, and in all Christian communities throughout the word. The idea was instead of demanding obedience and compliance to parents, the idea was independence from parents, with parents, especially fathers, encouraging children to be more independent, making it fun perhaps, like a game or competition. Children were expected to be independent then by age 13 with boys, or until marriage at the least of expectations with girls, but many girls left the home earlier, with the assumption that they'd become a deacon or elder in the church community, which there is a whole list of women deacons and elders, usually young women, and usually a private sex symbol among the men, in an untouchable way. Children of both sexes in the Early Church were allowed an opportunity to be independent by children wanting to shake off the care and providence of parents, saying "I can do this myself" and then the father would challenge the child to be independent. Sometimes, children didn't meet the challenge, in which case fathers listened to and validated the child's upset with reassurance and compassionate empathy. When the child did do something for themselves, they were praised for it, much like a positive, attached parent would encourage their child to grow up and be more independent. The Greek root word translated "they be discouraged" is αθυμέω (Latin: athumeo) and refers to sending your child astray by discouraging them, instead of encouraging them. This can mean stunning them in a way that their reverent rebellion is of a stagnant "overthrow" instead of a pro-active "shake off" from the care and providence of parents. A child who is never punished is best friends with their parents, even in the teen years, but in a way that they want to show their independence TO their parents, not simply to their peers at schools. Think "Look mom, I made my own breakfast." in a way that would shock the parent with pride.

The age of majority was so low because children were cushioned heavily from an early age. Attachment parenting doesn't stunt your growth, but hastens it, meaning in attachment parenting societies, adulthood started at puberty, and that was because children THEN were ready to marry. The norms were clearer and less nuanced, and marriage was just handing over one's precious daughter over to a male suitor that she likes, and her father approves of - think a sexually eager 12-year-old girl that shakes her mother off with her eagerness to have sex. There was less sexual stigma now than in our Catholic-influenced Christian society. Reconstructing this setup, with intent of sexualizing children for adult sexual entitlement/use, is sexual entitlement in and of itself. The proper reason for bringing this up is the power of attachment parenting to raise independent children. Most young men married young women their age or older, as per customary law against intergenerational marriages to younger brides, with most marriage betrothals being consummated around age 16, not 12 in the case of young women. That is because parenting then prepared them for life, instead of preparing them to be controlled. The 1st Century Christians were freethinkers. No doubt, there was church dogma and control, but not to the point of thought control. There were a wide range of camps an individual Christian could fit into, with the one missing being heresy. The spanking doctrine did exist then, but was heresy due to its idolatrous roots in Greco-Roman "cleansing" rituals.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death, which is Satan's final resting place! Let them descend into the abyss, with God predicting their every move, turning His back onto them from from the very beginning. Many warnings were given, and now the parents burn! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!