Exemplary instruction: The hallmark of biblical child surrender

Many parents want compliance from children, and try to obtain such an ideal through punishment and controlling attitudes. The problem is that children become dependent on punishment. When was the last time you violated a summary statute because the police weren't watching. In a country like Sweden or Iceland, where spanking is banned, that wouldn't fly. Surrender to parents is surrender to parental instruction, which usually means parental example.

It says in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, as this is right. Honor thy father and mother, as is this is the first commandment with promise; That is may be well with these, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest and trust in the love and grace, with children being able to demand any need, and parents supply, with children being able to share and tell parents anything and everything in the sun, being their true energetic and rambunctious selves to parents, while owing absolutely nothing in return to parents, with parents deserving nothing in return from children, with parents giving and receiving. This word uplifts a certain parenting context in both the Old and New Testaments that is attachment-based in nature. Attachment parenting was the norm in ancient Hebrew culture, which is the base cultural context of the Early Church for gentile newcomers. Parents then used attachment parenting on the level of nudity, meaning skin-to-skin contact that was constant in nature with young children, with infants up to age 3 swaddled to the bosom or side of a mother, with older children being held on a mother's back. This all prepared children for obedience, with obedience being exemplary in nature, not due to strict orders and demands from parents. Exemplary obedience requires an example worth taking up. The Greek phrase translated "in the Lord" is ἐν Κυρίῳ (Latin: en Kyriō) and refers to the fact that children don't have to listen to their parents just because parents said so. Child surrender to parents is a private and willful decision for a child to make apart from parents, as a result of surrender from parents in terms of love and grace, meaning acts of care and service without expecting anything in return, earning the submission of one's child, and when children don't heed one's example, doing introspection to see what parents are doing wrong.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to the chastening of the Lord, meaning being chastened up by the duties and hardships of being a parent, namely in terms of restraining yourself when listening to and validating the upset and frustration of a child, treating them with the respect you'd wish and hope they'd treat others with. This is charring yourself by choosing to do the opposite of your parental aggressive and controlling instincts, and nurturing children with listening and validation, knowing that children take the example of their parents, especially as they get older, with the desire to emulate parents fed with closeness when they were young. Younger children in the biblical context were held close to mothers, being breastfed by their mothers until age 3 or even older, with older children, namely boys after age 6, or girls too after that age, who wanted to learn about Scripture, being encouraged and challenged by their father to pro-social debate, meaning discussion and comparison of reading of Scripture. It is teaching children to read using the Bible as a source, following the natural curiosity of the child, meaning religious instruction was customary then, and a way for boys in particular to appear "grown up", thus pleasing parents with their independence in terms of being able to read Scripture. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the admonition of the Lord, meaning God's loving lecture, meaning parents say "no" and state their reasons, and, after that, if a child cannot understand why they were denied an item, they can simply just be left to their own devices, and supervised. "No" should be a rare word in a Christian home, as God's loving compromise should be preferred to blatant denial, as that's how the real world works. With a friend, you don't put out a hand and utter "no" and then say "because I said so". Most supervisors in workplaces these days are even more polite than they used to be, and simply ask "I need you to..." and expect you to do it, with the premise that if you can't do it, you shouldn't be working there. With parenting, this means the parent has the right to said limits, but backed up by secure attachment, not punishment. 

The admonition of the Lord is denoted by the Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and literally translates to "bitter anger" or "embittering" children, meaning being harsh with them in a way that makes them resentful. Paul the Apostle here is giving a command not to use punishment, and in the second stanza, is saying what to do instead, with there being pamphlets accompanying the delivery of the Epistle to the front gates of the Ephesian church. Basically, the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child is an offense, meaning child abuse, regardless of the secular laws that define child abuse. The offenses implied by this word include assault and battery laws, but, unlike Roman law, the Law of Moses had no legal defense for battering a child. Battery then was the slightest of unwanted touch from a parent, with the law enforced civilly by the child or the child's parent, with punishment being a form of kidnapping due to it's hostage-taking nature.

Exemplary teaching meant in biblical times that parents were an extension of Christ, not God, and were to provide for their children as Christ provided for His children, sacrificing for children as Christ did for His children, martyring oneself for children as Christ did for His children, taking up the cross for children as Christ did for His children. Martyrdom was a key parenting value, meaning laying oneself down for your child, expecting absolutely nothing in return, grateful for what trust one has in children, hopefully with children surrendering by taking up a Christ-like example from parents.

The depraved and entitled parents who embitter and provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God. They will forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death, which is Satan's final resting place! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!